


Hidden Scars

by YumeNouveau



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Boys Kissing, Charms, Curious Sirius Black, Exploring Sexuality, Frustrated Remus Lupin, Gay Remus Lupin, Gryffindor Common Room, Hogsmeade, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Sixth Year, M/M, Marauders' Era, Masturbation, Masturbation Fantasy, Mutual Masturbation, Oblivious Sirius Black, POV Remus Lupin, POV Sirius Black, Pranks, Scars, Sexual Fantasy, Snogging, Wizards, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-07-19 04:46:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 31,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7345501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YumeNouveau/pseuds/YumeNouveau
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus' life is filled with secrets. Not only has he been in love with Sirius since he can remember, but he has kept his scars hidden with a charm spell his entire life out of fear. When unforeseen circumstances cause both to be brought to light, will Sirius still be there for him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hidden Scars 1

**Author's Note:**

> All Harry Potter characters belong to J.K. Rowling  
> This is my first Wolfstar fic so I'd love comments & criticism to improve  
> This fic is Complete!

“Damn you’re hot Sirius!”

Both Remus Lupin and James Potter opened the curtains to their respective beds simultaneously, looked at one another, then sighed as they spied their dark haired friend in front of the mirror.

“Is Sirius hitting on himself...again?” James asked, his eyebrow quirked at Remus.

“I’m going back to my book before he starts snogging his own reflection,” Remus sighed.

Sirius Black blew the mirror a kiss and bounded over between his mates’ beds, grabbing the curtains before either could successfully retreat. 

“Come on, I look bloody fantastic, don’t I?” Sirius grinned, flopping down beside Remus. 

“What’s the occasion?” James asked, avoiding his friend’s question.

“Well if you must know, I’m off to my date with Bertha,” Sirius gloated, propping himself up on his elbows and wiggling his eyebrows at James.

“Bertha Jorkins? But she’s…”

“Kind of an idiot?”

“Remus, that’s rather harsh!” Sirius cried, his aghast tone so over the top you would never have known that just last week he himself had called Bertha ‘one Keeper short of a Quidditch team.’

Both boys gave Sirius a look before he ceded his case with a shrug of his shoulders.

“Well I’m obviously not after her for her brains, now am I?” he replied, shoving into Remus’s shoulder playfully. 

Remus simply ignored his friend and turned the page of his book, hoping Sirius would take the hint. He didn’t.

“Really Moony, have you seen how nicely her sweater fits these days?”

Remus ignored him once again, but James made an approving noise which got both boys talking about which girls had filled out best over the summer before seventh year. 

Attempting not to roll his eyes yet again, Remus stared at his book, though his thoughts were far from the words on those pages. For Remus had a problem, a problem which could only be categorized as a very long term, one sided love of Sirius Black. 

Remus knew it was stupid. Stupid and hopeless. But he, nevertheless, had had feelings for Sirius for much longer than he cared to reminisce. For years he’d tried to pinpoint the exact moment he’d fallen for his best friend, yet try as he might, nothing came to mind. And yet everything came to mind. The way Sirius was always there for him, whether it was after a full moon, when he bolted up in bed after nightmares of Greyback shocked him from sleep, or simply when they were bored and Sirius would rest his head on Remus’s thigh as he studied. Sirius had been the first to discover Remus’s lycanthropy, and the first to accept him. The other boy did not even hesitate for a moment before wrapping Remus in a hug he thought he would never experience again after his terrible secret was uncovered. And it was Sirius who discovered they could become Animagi, Sirius who had worked so hard through 5th year to become the first to transform, the first to keep him company during the horrors of the full moon. 

From the moment Sirius had sat beside him on the Hogwarts train first year, Remus was entranced. Without a second thought, Sirius had thrown an arm around the shy eleven year old Remus and introduced him to James, his newly appointed best friend of all of eighteen seconds, and proclaimed them to be the future kings of Hogwarts. Although Remus quickly abdicated his imaginary throne in favor of playing advisor-- and infuriatingly even queen mother-- to the two troublemakers, he had never felt more welcomed and loved in his entire life. And though he treasured both of them, there was just something so special, so charismatic and alluring about Sirius, that Remus was always drawn to his side. He never wished it to grow to more, for his feelings of friendship to develop into an affection he dare not give name to. Yet he had no control over it. He loved Sirius Black.

A boy who was completely and utterly oblivious to it all as he sat beside Remus, talking animatedly of the newly endowed ladies of their school. 

“Don’t you have a date to get to?” Remus pointed out, still not looking up from his book. As much as Remus hated pushing Sirius into another’s arms, it was much worse to hear about the many womanly charms that enticed Sirius, charms he would obviously never possess. 

“Well would you look at the time boys,” Sirius said as he bounded from the bed, winking at Remus before sprinting to the door, “mustn’t keep a lady waiting.”

“That reminds me…” James said, standing up and grabbing his robes before making his way to the door.

“Oh, you have a date with Lily?” Remus asked, already knowing the answer.

“Hardly, but at least being head boy, I get to patrol the halls at night with her. Did you know, she’s even sexier with that head girl badge on?” James sighed, obviously not expecting an answer as he left close on the heels of Sirius.

With the room to himself, Remus put away the book he was obviously getting nowhere with, and stared up at the canopy of his bed. He really wished James luck with his pursuit of Lily, yet he couldn’t find the heart to feel the same toward Sirius’s endeavors. Every time Sirius complimented a girl, went on a date, or came home with a grin that practically bragged about how far he’d gone with one girl or another , Remus retreated further into himself, attempting to shield his heart from the pain of his stupidly unrequited love. 

Remus absentmindedly fingered the leather cord around his neck, touching the small metal amulet at the end. Sirius had been with him to purchase it earlier that year at a muggle shop, and Remus remembered how Sirius’ eyes had lit up upon seeing it and how cool he had said Remus looked wearing it. But other than reminding Remus of Sirius, the piece also held a much more significant purpose to Remus. He had hoped no one had noticed, for every year or two he changed out a piece of jewelry: a leather bracelet for a ring then a ring for a necklace, each time charming it as his mother had taught him back when he was only an eleven year old boy. He never went without his charm, only taking it off to transfer the spell to the next piece. And all to hide the horrible scars that were a constant reminder, and telltale sign, of his lycanthropy. 

Even with the necklace on to hide his disfigurement, Remus knew each and every scar by heart. There was the bite mark on his neck, his gift from Fenrir Greyback and initiation into the lycan community. There were four deep scratches crossing from his upper left chest down to his right side, a reminder of a particularly horrendous full moon after his father had had enough and left he and his mum. Smaller scratches peppered his arms and calves, silvery and numerous on his pale skin. And then there was his face--the reason he’d asked his mother if he could stay inside forever--the reason she had first taught him the charm. Remus let his fingers wander, following the invisible line from above his right brow, down the bridge of his nose, and ending at his left cheek, where two claw marks would forever mar his face. He remembered his mother crying as she’d tried to heal them, knowing all too well that his cursed skin would always carry the reminders despite her best efforts.

He never wanted anyone else to cry upon seeing his face, to recoil as his father had, to call him the monster that Remus knew he would always be. 

So he hid, from everyone, from all of his friends. He never wanted them to know, to be disgusted by him, to pity him or, more importantly, leave his side. For who would wish to be his friend upon seeing how he truly looked? Even less likely, who would ever want him? His scars were yet another reason he knew that Sirius would not--could not ever reciprocate his feelings.

But, Remus reminded himself, this year things would be different. Obviously there was no changing his completely hetero friend’s sexuality, and Remus knew that even if Sirius were to magically turn toward men, he would be an unlikely candidate in Sirius’ eyes. So Remus had decided that this year, their last year at Hogwarts, would be the year he moved on. He’d put his feelings aside and...well he didn’t know what he’d do after that. But he would do something. 

An hour and a half later, Remus still had no idea what that ‘something’ would be, when the creak of the door signaled Sirius’s return. Peter was snoring happily in his bed, having snuck back in following a successful raid on the kitchens, and James would be patrolling the halls for a couple more hours at least, so there was no question who it was, even though Remus had his bed curtains drawn. 

“Moony, you still up?” Sirius whispered, not waiting for an answer as he slipped into Remus’s bed. 

Remus put away his book and propped his lit wand on the sheets as he felt the comfortable warmth of his friend’s body slide under the covers.

“So...how was the date?” There was no cocky grin on Sirius’s face, so Remus felt safe to ask.

“She's bloody dull. I mean, great rack, but that’s gunna get old quick. Maybe you could set me up with one of your smart friends, you know, a Ravenclaw or something?” 

Remus chuckled as he propped himself up further against the headboard. “You say that now, but…”

“Moony, please?”

“Look Padfoot I really don't know any…”

“Pleeeease Moony? She doesn't have to be smart, just a nice pair of tits will do.”

“No! Lay off Sirius, I’m not setting you up with anyone, alright?” Remus snapped, then immediately regretted letting his emotions get the better of him. 

Sirius’s eyes widened momentarily before before softening as he laid his head on Remus’s shoulder. “No need to be jealous Moony, you know you’re the only one for me,” he said jokingly. 

Yet the fact that it was a joke tore at the last remaining shreds of Remus’ heart and he shoved the other boy away. 

“Why don’t you just go back to your own damn bed,” he huffed, scooting to the edge of the mattress to sit up.

“I didn’t mean…” Sirius began before shaking his head, wondering where he’d suddenly gone wrong. “er, ‘night Moony,” He trailed off.

Remus felt the weight of the other boy shift off his bed, then waited until he heard the sound of Sirius’s mattress creak beside him before he lay back down. He simply could not keep this up, feigning disinterest and listening as Sirius talked about his dates, when all he wanted to do was grab Sirius’s oblivious ass and snog him senseless. 

Remus knew he needed a distraction, a distraction to replace the heartache that occurred each time he realized that his feelings would never being reciprocated. Never having looked at another boy, or girl for that matter, Remus wondered if he could do it, if he could move on and find someone as equally enticing on both emotional and physical levels, as he found Sirius Black. He honestly did not think it was possible. Sirius just seemed to exude sexuality, from his long black hair that perfectly framed his lovely features, to his sharp nose and cheekbones that were much too prominent for any normal seventeen year old boy. And his eyes. Remus would liken them to glassy steel, except they could convey so much more warmth than that cold metal ever could. 

Yes, he desperately needed a distraction.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, as Sirius sat down in his usual spot beside him at breakfast, Remus could tell that his friend was nervous. He didn’t make his usual playful comments or try to steal any of Remus’s food, but when he phrased “good morning?” like it was a question, Remus knew he needed to let Sirius off the hook. Having already decided to let the incident go, Remus found it all a bit touching that his best friend cared so much about what had upset him the previous night. After all, it wasn’t Sirius’s fault that his best friend was stupid enough to fall for him. So he stabbed his fork into one of Sirius’s pancakes, even though he hated pancakes, and gave him a playful side-eye when Sirius attempted to wrestle it back with a pair of spatulas. He let Sirius win, for obvious reasons, none of them having to do with how much he hated pancakes, and returned to his usual best friend banter as they got ready to head off to Potions. 

 

As they paired up beside their cauldrons, James with an exasperated Lily, Peter with some Hufflepuff, and Remus with Sirius, he forgot once again about his resolution to find himself a distraction. Every time Sirius would playfully shove him or their fingers met as they grabbed for the same ingredient, Remus had to stop himself from smiling like a silly lovesick fool. It was only at the end of the lesson, as Sirius sauntered over to the Hufflepuff girl next to Peter, leaning against the desk to flirt with her, that Remus recalled with a sharp pain that this infatuation was getting him nowhere. 

It continued to get him nowhere in Muggle Studies, Herbology, and then DADA, so when their last class of the day ended, Remus wasted no time putting some distance between himself and Sirius and headed for the library. 

Twice a week he met with his Potions study group there, for though Remus squeaked by in class with Sirius’s help, he was woefully inadequate on his own. And with NEWT exams fast approaching, Remus would need to become proficient soon if he wished to pass. Lily had graciously offered to help him, along with two Ravenclaws who were there mentoring their friends as well. William, one of the mentors, pushed out a chair beside him as Remus made his way toward the table, accepting the seat with a small smile. Though it was mostly Lily who tutored him, of late William had also been a great help, being much more familiar with many of the ingredients due to his father working in the Ministry of Magic. 

Remus opened his textbook with a sigh, not looking forward to the next hour of revealing just how inept he was at this infuriating subject. 

A hand on his shoulder startled Remus from his woes.

“Cheer up mate, can’t have you getting wrinkles on that pretty face,” William said, winking cheekily at Remus.

Remus rolled his eyes and attempted a smile. Sometimes William reminded him all too much of Sirius. Though it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Remus thought once again of his earlier resolve to move on and looked at William with new eyes. Dark brown hair that reached the nape of William’s neck was styled in a spiked manner that reminded Remus of a very well groomed hedgehog. He was quite pale, but not in an unhealthy way, and his blue eyes sparkled with mischief that made Remus wonder why he wasn’t in trouble as often as the Marauders. His cheekbones were not as prominent, nor were his lips as full as Sirius, but he was still quite attractive. And, from what he’d heard from a group of sixth year Ravenclaw girls, very straight. 

“Are you done flirting with him Will? Because someone has to help Remus pass his NEWTs…”

“So sorry Lily, I'll finish flirting with him later.”

“See that you do,” Lily said, shaking her head before turning Remus’s attention back to his studies. 

A full hour of studying later and Remus was not the least bit nearer to being proficient in potions. 

“I think this is just a lost cause Lil,” Remus sighed, pushing his chair away from the table and leaning his head back dejectedly. 

“No Remus, you’re really improving,” Lily said in the least sincere voice Remus had ever heard.

“Maybe you’re just approaching this wrong,” William chimed in. Remus noted his charge had long ago left the table, apparently much more adept at learning than he himself was. 

“And what would be the right way to approach this?” Remus sighed again, closing his book with a loud thump. 

“Perhaps you need a more hands-on approach,” William suggested with a shrug. “Can’t hurt to try.”

“And how would we manage that, all the caldrons and ingredients are kept under strict lock and key. It’s not like we can just brew whatever we like in the common rooms you know,” said Remus in exasperation.

“Well, I could talk to old Slughorn about that, me being in his Slug Club does have its perks.” 

Remus had almost forgotten that Professor Slughorn liked to “collect” students he found exemplary, either in intelligence or pedigree, into his famous “Slug Club. Though Remus thought it a silly excuse for a popularity contest, perhaps William was correct that it had its advantages. 

“I guess…”

“Alright, I’ll ask him tonight! I’m sure he’d give us some after-hours access to the Potions room. Don’t look so worried Remus, I promise I don’t bite,” the other boy laughed and slapped him on the back. 

“Er, Lily do you think…” began Remus before the redhead cut him off.

“Oh don’t go using me as an excuse Remus Lupin. You need all the help you can get.”

“Here here,” William agreed, squeezing Remus’s shoulder before standing to leave the library. “I’ll let you know his answer right away, promise!”

As the boy departed, Remus looked over at Lily. 

“He reminds me a bit of Sirius you know,” she mused, looking at Remus with a cryptic smile.

“Hmm, I never noticed,” Remus replied, hoping his tone did not belie his words. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later that night Remus, James and Sirius sat on his bed, seeing as the other boys’ mattresses were covered in smelly Quidditch robes and the ingredients for a soon-to-be dung bomb. Peter was down in the kitchens again, a past time that was doing nothing for his ever-expanding waistline.

“Maybe Pete should just marry a house elf,” Sirius mused as he chewed on a sugar quill.

“My, how very progressive of you,” Remus replied as he scratched out a word on his Muggle Studies essay.

“Well, I mean they’d be perfect together. She could cook, he could eat. Perfect.”

“If only she had James’s face…” Remus mused, which sent Sirius into a fit of laughter.

“Pete does not have a crush on me,” James scowled, “He’s just a bit…”

“Enamoured?”

“Smitten?”

“I was going to say ‘dazzled by my charms,” James finished, throwing looks at the other two boys. “Plus, I’ve got Lily, so I’m taken.”

“Only if by ‘taken’ you mean ‘not in the least bit taken,’” Sirius replied, earning himself a jab in the ribs. 

“Fine I’m ‘going to be taken’ then,” James relinquished, turning his gaze toward his friends. “Sirius is taken by whatever bird flits by him,” Sirius conceded with a nod and a stroke of a non-existent beard, “and Remus…”

“Yes, Remus,” Sirius continued, still attempting to look wise while running a hand along his chin, “Whenever will you settle down? Meet a girl, start a family...rule the wizarding world?”

Remus laughed and shook his head. “I wouldn’t wish myself upon anyone.”

“But Remus…” Sirius began before he was cut short as Peter burst into the room, a stolen pie under one arm and an angry, cursing house elf around his leg. The conversation was quickly forgotten as the boys both sought to placate the furious elf and pry the pie from Peter’s pudgy fingers, two tasks that were not easily accomplished. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Remus figured he had only been asleep for an hour or two when he felt the mattress dip and a warm body crawl under the covers beside him.

“Can’t sleep Moony,” came Sirius’s attempt at sounding pathetic, so Remus scooted over and made room. He turned his head, blinking the sleep from his eyes as they adjusted to make out the lines of his friend’s face.

“You need to talk about something Padfoot?” Remus asked with a yawn. He saw Sirius shrug before turning on his back, no longer looking at him. “What is it?”

“I just...was thinking. With you being a werewolf and all, is that why you’ve never dated anyone?”

“Wow, is this what’s been keeping you up at night? My love life?” Remus laughed sadly.

“Well, I mean, is it?”

Remus thought for a moment. It wasn’t the only reason. The very unattainable boy next to him in bed was a testament to that, but it seemed a good excuse, not like he could tell Sirius the truth anyway.

“Yeah.” 

“Oh...well, that’s just not fair. To you I mean. Cause, what if you find a girl, a girl who doesn’t care about something like that,” Sirius finished, sounding strangely nervous.

“Well, by all means, let me know if one turns up then. But I’m pretty sure she doesn’t exist,” Remus stated dryly.

“But there’s going to be other people out there who wouldn’t mind. I mean, none of us do you know. I certainly don’t care.”

“Er, thanks Sirius, but it’s not the same you know. Being friends and wanting to date are a bit different,” Remus supplied, quite confused as to why Sirius was still talking. 

“It doesn’t have to be,” Sirius started before biting his lip. “I mean, for me it is. Obviously. But you, you seem the type to want to be friends first. Then maybe they...she wouldn’t mind so much.”

“Maybe,” Remus said, but it was with no real hope and Sirius gave him a sad smile in return. “Sorry Padfoot, I just don’t really want to talk about it right now okay?”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Sirius sighed and turned back to face Remus. “Sorry I’ll stop pestering you about it.”

Remus smiled and stretched out his arm, allowing Sirius to curl up against his side. It was nice, how much the other boy cared about him. Even if it wasn’t in the way he’d like. It still made him feel appreciated in a way that no one else did. 

“Night Padfoot.”

“g’night Moony.”


	2. Hidden Scars 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling  
> Part 2 of my fic, be sure to read chapter 1 first!

"But Moony, you studied for Potions last night," Sirius whined, latching onto Remus like he was the giant squid beneath the Great Lake.

"And I have to again tonight," Remus explained for the fourth time, attempting to pry Sirius's arms from around his torso. "You know I'm shite at Potions, and Will got Slughorn to agree to let us use the room after class. I need this Sirius."

"But I need you!" Sirius wailed, causing Remus to roll his eyes and give a shrug of apology to a group of fifth years who were giving them odd looks.

"Stop being so dramatic," Remus sighed.

"I'll help you with Potions, I promise!"

"No, you always do everything for me. Will lets me do my own work, allows me to learn."

Sirius looked up at Remus with puppy dog eyes that would've caused him to pet the poor mutt if they hadn't been in public.

"Look, I'll help you with the prank later," Remus said under his breath, finally able to dislodge Sirius from his person.

"Okay," Sirius conceded unhappily, "but tell this 'Will,' if that is his real name, that you're mine, he's not allowed to run off with you."

"Er, sure Padfoot, whatever you say," Remus agreed before heading off toward the Potions classroom.

"Sorry I'm late, had a parasite attack me on the way over," Remus apologized as he closed the door behind himself to the Slughorn's classroom.

"That sounds serious," William said, his eyebrows raised.

"Er, yes it was. Sirius I mean. He gets a bit clingy when I don't pay him, what he considers, enough attention."

"Oh, that 'Sirius,' William chuckled, "I've noticed he's pretty attached to you."

"No more so than our other friends," Remus shrugged, opening his book to the chapter they were working on.

"Really? Huh, I thought...well never mind," William finished when Remus gave him a confused look.

"You thought what?" Remus pried, pretending he didn't know where this conversation was going.

"I guess, I just thought that you two were...you know...together?"

"Ha," Remus barked, hoping it didn't have the air of desperation that he felt when he heard those words, "Hardly."

"Sorry," William chuckled and shrugged, "I hope I didn't offend you."

"No, not at all," Remus said, a bit too quickly. "I mean, we're just friends, obviously."

"Obviously," William echoed before giving Remus a wink, "Shall we study?"

As winter approached, Remus found his time more and more consumed with studying. A fact that Sirius was not letting him live down.

"You spend all your time with Will now," Sirius lamented as he lay on his bed, his head hanging off the side to look at Remus accusingly as he packed his books to once again head off to the Potions classroom.

"No, I spend all my time with you, except for the one hour a day of freedom I get to study. Don't be so clingy Padfoot, don't you have a date or something to get to?"

"Oh you wound me Moony! You know you're the only one for me!"

Remus swatted Sirius with a rolled up Prophet. "Bad dog, don't tell lies," he scolded before Sirius grabbed his leg and pulled him onto the bed.

"But Moony," Sirius started, shifting to rest his head in Remus's lap. Out of habit, Remus sighed before running his hands through Sirius's hair, causing a contented smile to appear on the handsome boy's face. Remus wished he could stay like this forever. Actually, he wished that moments like these could hold as much meaning for Sirius as they did for him, but that line of thinking was going to get him nowhere. The excitement he got from being near Sirius, the nervousness when the other boy paid him attention and even said his name were almost overwhelming at times. It took all of his effort to conceal his joy when Sirius would throw his head onto Remus' lap or snuggle up to him on one of the big comfy armchairs. When he was lucky enough to be the sole focus of the other boy's seemingly endless attention, it was like no other feeling Remus could describe. Like getting picked first for Quidditch but by a gorgeous captain who was also giving him an endless supply of chocolate. But even that was not as amazing as being with Sirius.

Remus pinched his nose and sighed. Yep, he still had it bad for Sirius.

"I'll be back in an hour okay?" Remus assured his friend before reluctantly carding his fingers through his silky hair one last time. "Now be a good dog while I'm gone."

Sirius laughed and tossed his dark fringe back as he sat up. "I'll miss you Moony," he said loudly as Remus closed the door, shaking his head, wishing Sirius could possibly miss him as much as he did in return.

"So much for moving on," Remus muttered to himself as he traveled out the common room, took a set of stairs that decided to shift him further from his destination half way down, and finally arrived to find Will smiling at him from one of the Potion desks. He wondered at that. When the other boy had shifted from 'William' to 'Will' in his mind. It was so much easier to say, Remus told himself, that was obviously why. Couldn't be any other reason.

"No Sirius problems today?" he asked, knowing the reason Remus was usually late had to do with the other mischievous Marauder.

"Nothing out of the ordinary," Remus sighed, remembering once again the way it felt to have Sirius pull him onto the bed, to smile up at him and tell him he would miss him. If only there was something behind the other boy's motivations other than the friendship they shared.

He shook his head and brought his eyes back to Will who had a somewhat sad look on his face. "Everything alright?" he asked.

"Oh yeah? ," Will said, instantly changing his demeanor, "Course. Let's just get studying, shall we mate?"

They spent the next hour going over the best way to brew a Calming Draught, and Remus found himself getting more and more proficient under Will's tutelage. Not only did Will actually encourage Remus to do all the steps himself, but he was never short on praise, making Remus blush with pride on more than one occasion.

"You know, you're really starting to get the hang of this," Will beamed, throwing an arm around Remus's shoulder as they finished putting away the ingredients they'd used.

Remus shrugged but was secretly over the moon, not only with the fact that he was finally improving, but that the other boy thought so highly of him.

"I know we're just kind of study friends," Will continued, suddenly sounding a bit nervous, "but if you like...I mean if you're interested, a bunch of my mates are throwing a party tonight for my birthday…"

"It's your birthday?" Remus interrupted.

"Well it's tomorrow, but with the Hogsmeade trip, we thought we'd just celebrate in our common room tonight. I mean, if you're not doing anything…"

"Oh yeah? That'd be great," Remus said, hoping he wasn't coming off too enthusiastic. He'd only ever had his Marauder friends, and Lily of course, so the fact that anyone else wanted to spend time with him was not to be taken lightly by Remus.

"Awesome," Will replied, giving Remus a slight squeeze before releasing him. "Meet me in front of our common room in a half hour and I'll let you in."

Remus made his way back to the Gryffindor dorms, past the common room which was quickly filling with students back from their classes, and opened the door to the room he shared with his other three Marauders.

"Moony, you're back!" Sirius exclaimed, practically jumping from his own bed and hugging Remus a bit too tightly to be completely comfortable.

"Hope you didn't get up to too much mischief without me," Remus said as he pried Sirius from his person and made his way to his trunk. He searched around till he found his best pair of trousers and a jumper that Sirius said made him look like a naughty professor. Remus was still unsure if the remark was meant as a compliment or not.

"Oh, got a hot date?," James observe, looking up from the Exploding Snap game he was currently trouncing Peter at.

"Hardly," Remus corrected, "Just off to a party in the Ravenclaw common room.

"With Will?" James asked, making ungodly kissy faces at Sirius which caused the other boy to scowl.

"Is it with Will?" Sirius echoed when Remus didn't answer right away.

"Well it's his birthday," Remus half explained as he changed out of his wizarding robes for more casual garb.

"I bet I know what lil' Willy wants for his birthday present," James teased as he continued to make kissing noises.

"Knock it off Potter," Sirius snapped before Remus could voice a reply.

"Geeze, what crawled up your mangy bum?" James asked as Remus sighed and gave him an apologetic shrug.

"Look Sirius, I know I said I'd help you with whatever prank you're working on tonight, but I told Will…"

"Yeah of course, no worries," Sirius interrupted. Remus noticed Sirius wasn't making eye contact with him, and his tone did not seem to support the casualness of his words.

"Hey, I'll be back later, okay?" Remus asked, walking in front of Sirius so the other boy was forced to either finally look at him or be very obvious in his staring contest with the floor.

"Right, yeah," Sirius said, meeting his eyes and giving a tight smile. "I'll see you later Moony."

"Have fun," yelled James as Remus made his way to the door.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," came Sirius's advice.

"Bring me back some cake," said Peter, causing the other two boys to swear and start making jabs at him.

Remus chuckled as he left the common room but his thoughts were quickly consumed by Sirius's odd demeanor. Maybe the other boy was just feeling down. Even though he was usually quite jubilant, it happened more and more frequently these days. His brother Regulus, a firm reminder of his disownment and renouncement of the Black family, was a constant grievance, and Remus had noticed the younger Black brother took no pains to make Sirius feel the least bit welcome in his presence. Perhaps the two had had a run-in earlier. Remus made himself a mental note to ask his friend when he returned that night.

With his head so full of thoughts Sirius, once again, Remus hardly noticed when he made it to the Ravenclaw common room. The portrait at the door glared haughtily at him, so Remus sat to wait, hoping Will would soon remember his promise to let him in.

True to his word, Will soon emerged from the portrait hole, his face lighting up in a wide smile when he saw Remus leaning against the stone wall, attempting to ignore the portrait that continued to sneer down at him.

"I wasn't sure you'd come," Will said, holding out a hand to help Remus up.

"I said I would, didn't I?" Remus replied, suddenly nervous as he heard the sound of the festivities in the common room. Though he was on friendly terms with most of the Ravenclaws, he'd never gotten to know any of them as much as Will, and he honestly didn't think he even knew the boy that well. Now that the daunting task of socializing lay before him, Remus was no longer sure this was the best idea.

No doubt sensing Remus's trepidation, Will gave him a winning smile and squeezed his shoulder. "How about I introduce you to my friends? And then you can sit with me and tell them all what a brilliant tutor I am."

Remus laughed, a bit of the tension easing from his shoulders. "And should I also go on about how kind, handsome, and athletic you are?" he joked.

"Well...there's no way they'll believe the athletic bit, but keep saying how sexy you find me and I'll never let you leave my side."

Both boys laughed as they made their way into the room, which was decked out in Ravenclaw colors, streamers, and some random posters of Muggle actresses that someone had spelled to hang in thin air.

"I've got a thing for blondes," Will explained when he saw Remus raise an eyebrow at a poster of Jodi Foster floating above the fireplace.

"I've always liked darker hair myself," Remus replied, wondering momentarily if it was appropriate, until Will laughed and squeezed his shoulder.

Will made his way over to one of the many blue and grey plush couches, taking the middle cushion and motioning for Remus to sit by his side. And once they sat down, it seemed as though Will's friends never ceased to gravitate toward him. Remus was introduced to everyone by the other boy, whether they'd already met or not, and his friend was always quite conscious of including him in their conversations, asking Remus his opinion even on matters which Remus proclaimed to know nothing about. As the firewhisky made its rounds, snuck in by Will's best mate Ian who seemed to have acquired the alcohol in quite a dubious manner, Will drank freely and made sure that Remus was supplied with as much as he wished. Hoping it would ease his social anxiety, Remus freely partook in the beverage, and as the night wore on, the warm buzz seemed to help him relax and speak much more freely than he would otherwise have done. He also realized how much he enjoyed being friends with Will. The other boy was the life of the party. He told so many stories about his adventures with his friends, many of them quite similar to escapades that the Marauders had undertaken, that Remus almost felt as if he had been right alongside the other boy.

The night was punctuated with games as well, such as a magical round of spin the bottle. As Will explained to Remus, the wizard or witch on the right of those chosen to kiss had to levitate them toward one another, causing many a laugh as witches and wizards zoomed past one another or knocked clumsily into each other's faces. Remus almost died laughing as one particularly drunk wizard closed his eyes for a kiss, only to be rudely interrupted when Will himself pushed the chosen witch away and stole it for himself.

Later the Ravenclaws brought out a large chocolate cake and sang happy birthday to Will, who blew out the candles and began cutting slices for his friends.

"What did you wish for?" Remus asked as Will handed him a thick slice of cake.

But Will only winked at him and said, "Wouldn't you like to know?" as he finished divvying out the dessert.

As the night wore on, the party slowly wound down, many witches and witches retiring to bed or to a dark alcove to snog. Remus found himself yawning constantly despite the animated conversations around him. Then, what seemed like a moment later, Remus started from an apparent nap to find his head resting on Will's shoulder and the common room to be a much quieter place.

"Oh sorry, must've dozed off there," Remus said sheepishly, pulling away and wiping at his eyes.

"No worries mate," Will said with a smile, sitting up straighter, his eyes slightly dazed from alcohol and the need for sleep.

"Er, didn't mean to…"

"I said it was alright," Will cut him off and stretched, his shirt hiking up to expose a flat stretch of abdomen that Remus's eyes were unwittingly drawn to.

Will smiled again and Remus found himself blushing despite quickly averting his eyes.

"Say, I was wondering," Will started as Remus began to get up from the couch, "if...if you were going to Hogsmeade tomorrow?"

When Remus nodded Will continued. "I know you're probably already planning to go with your mates, but if you wanted to meet up…"

"Or you could come with us," Remus supplied, sure his friends wouldn't mind. James always invited Lily, though she had always turned him down, and Sirius had brought a bird along once or twice, though they usually went off to snog and leave the rest of them behind.

"Yeah? I mean, I wouldn't want to be a bother," Will countered, but Remus shot him a smile and shook his head.

"Not at all," Remus said, pushing the portrait door open to leave. "I...I had a really great time tonight. Thanks again for inviting me. Say, what time is it?"

"Er, sometime after midnight…" Will started before he was enveloped in a tight hug.

"Well happy birthday then," Remus said, releasing Will after a moment so see a huge grin plastered to the other boy's face.

"That's just what I wished for," Will said, causing Remus to laugh and blush.

"See you tomorrow...er later today then," Remus said, shaking his head as Will watched him leave through the portrait hole.

"'night Remus," Will called, the words echoing down the hallway as Remus made his way back to his bed. He never realized how far the common rooms were from one another until he was tired and a little bit drunk, but somehow Remus made his way back without incident and slipped into his dorm.

"Moony, that you?" came a sleepy voice from Sirius's bed.

"Mmph," Remus replied with a yawn, walking towards the other boy as the curtains parted, revealing a disheveled Sirius Black with a worried look on his face.

"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you," Remus whispered, but Sirius only shook his head.

"Couldn't sleep, I was worried about you Moony."

Remus chuckled softly and climbed into the other boy's bed. "And here I thought you only slept with girls."

"Well I'll make an exception for...hey Moony are you drunk?" Sirius said, a bit too loudly for the late hour.

"Shh," Remus hushed the other boy and snuggled under the covers, "I'm...tired, get out of my bed."

"Er, this is my bed Remus," Sirius chuckled, throwing an arm around his friend who shrugged and burrowed in.

"Don't you want your pajamas?" Sirius asked, pulling at the sleeve of Remus' jumper and shaking his head.

With a very uncoordinated flourish, Remus rose up and pulled his jumper over his head, discarding it beside the bed and burrowing back under the sheets.

"Just don't look at my scars okay?" he slurred tiredly.

"You don't have any scars Moony," Sirius chuckled, but then felt the other boy go rigid beside him.

"Er, right, sorry I'm drunk," Remus corrected, grasping his necklace and willing his heartbeat to return to normal, hoping Sirius would quickly forget his slip up.

"Apparently," Sirius sighed and closed his eyes, blissfully ignorant of Remus as he lay awake for the next half hour waiting for his thoughts to cease running toward horrific scenarios of his friend discovering his secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continued in Chapter 3  
> Please leave a review if you have time, helps me to know what ppl like and what I need to get better at to grow as a writer!


	3. Hidden Scars 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Notes- Be sure to read Chapters 1 & 2 first!
> 
> Can't believe I've got 3 chapters up already, please help me continue by commenting/faving!
> 
> All Harry Potter Characters belong to J.K. Rowling

Remus awoke the next morning slightly on edge and extremely tired after his indulgences and subsequent accidental revelation the previous night, silently vowing never to drink again. Digging out a bottle of Pep-Me-Up potion from his stock usually reserved for after the full moon, Remus ignored Sirius's raised eyebrow as he downed the entire contents, sighing contentedly.

"So...how was the party?" Sirius asked, sitting on the edge of the bed as all the boys began to get ready for the day.

"Fun, really fun," Remus supplied vaguely, frowning at his crumpled jumper on the floor.

"You play Spin the Bottle with Will?" James teased from across the room.

"Actually he played, I just watched. You should've seen when he snuck in and Frederick had his eyes closed and kissed him instead of the girl!" James started laughing along with Remus but Sirius merely pursed his lips and snorted.

"Aww Padfoot, don't be jealous," Remus said, walking over to his best friend, "The party wasn't nearly as fun as if you'd been there, I promise."

Sirius's features softened and he threw an arm across Remus's shoulder. "You know just what to say to butter me up."

Remus shrugged and leaned into Sirius's shoulder for a moment before breaking contact to resume getting ready. "Oh by the way, I invited Will to tag along with us to Hogsmeade today, hope you don't mind."

Sirius stiffened visibly, shooting a pleading look to James who seemed completely oblivious as a huge grin stretched across his face.

"Well you won't be the only one inviting someone along," James beamed expectantly.

"No…" Sirius gasped.

"Wait did she…" Peter started.

"Lily finally said yes?" Remus exclaimed, though the other boy's excitement made the answer quite obvious.

"Yep! Told you she'd succumb to my charms eventually!"

All three boys jumped toward their friend, hugging and slapping him on the back, glad to finally have this moment to celebrate after six long years.

"Don't you mess this up," Remus scolded good naturedly.

"And don't make a complete arse of yourself," Sirius laughed, his earlier worries forgotten.

"What about you Padfoot, got a hot date for Hogsmeade, like usual?" Peter asked once the excitement had worn off and the boys resumed getting ready.

"Er, yeah of course," Sirius said cryptically.

"Wait, I thought you told me…" James began before a look from Sirius silenced him.

"I've got a date Prongs," Sirius said through gritted teeth as James held up his hands in mock surrender.

Remus's elation at James's revelation quickly faded as he contemplated a day in Hogsmeade with Sirius and his date. Not that he hadn't been subjected to it many times before, Sirius's overly flirtatious laugh, giggling girls putting their grubby paws all over him any chance they got, then turning to find them snogging whenever they thought no one the wiser. Remus sighed. Great, this was going to be just great. At least he'd have Will to keep him company while everyone went off with their lovers.

Within a couple hours, students had queued up in the entrance hall, eagerly awaiting for Professor McGonagall to open the doors after she'd checked off her list of those approved for Hogsmeade visits.

"Jonathan...aren't you supposed to be serving detention with Professor Doyle? Off with you, no sneaking out!" she fussed, her eyes roaming the crowd until she found Remus.

"Lupin, Black, Potter...is Pettigrew with you today? Oh there you are my boy, did you get hexed with a shrinking charm recently? No? Hmm."

"He only grows sideways Professor," Sirius hollered. The boys laughed as Peter pouted and McGonagall simply shook her head at their antics.

Will took this moment to appear at Remus's side, sliding an arm around his shoulder with a grin. Remus blushed as he said hello to the other boy before turning back to his friends.

James clasped Will on the shoulder, wishing him a happy birthday that Peter quickly echoed. Sirius, on the other hand, muttered something about needing to find his date before he vanished into the throng of students.

Within ten minutes, McGonagall had opened wide the doors and the students burst through with all the pent up energy of caged animals finally freed. Lily had joined the Marauders, standing by James's side, a small smile on her face though Remus noticed they were not yet holding hands. Peter followed behind James, and Remus behind them, Will to his right as they animately recounted the events of the party last night. It was only as they passed the castle bridge that Sirius finally made his appearance, a younger Hufflepuff under his arm, her cheeks pink from the cold, growing pinker each time Sirius looked down at her. Remus knew that feeling, though he wished he didn't. It would make it easier to hate her.

"Wait up mates, you all remember Mora right?"

No one did, but they all nodded and politely greeted the girl who seemed a bit overwhelmed at the moment. She quickly ducked back under Sirius's arm, blushing fiercely. And there she stayed, not uttering a word, content to simply be Sirius's arm candy for all intents and purposes.

It was a strange dynamic between the group as they continued on their way to Hogsmeade. James and Lily talking softly, Peter eavesdropping, Will laughing with Remus and Sirius silently following with Mora stuck to his side. Remus was incredibly glad, once again, to have Will to keep him company.

"Say, I heard you kissed a bloke last night," Sirius suddenly interrupted from behind Remus, his eyes darting to Will.

Will threw back his head, unable to stop himself from chuckling as he recalled the event. "Sure did mate, and let me tell you, that was one hell of a kiss!"

Remus shook his head, remembering quite vividly how the other boys sputtered the moment he opened his eyes to find Will's lips on his own. "You hardly got a peck out of him, you liar," he retorted, shoving Will lightly with his shoulder.

"Well, if he had only given me another moment or two to demonstrate my skills," he said, wiggling his tongue about obscenely as James and Lily walked back to join them.

"Merlin, what are we interrupting?" Lily asked, raising an eyebrow at Remus as she attempted not to laugh.

"Just talking about my one-second stand with a bloke last night, why, you want a repeat performance?" Will suggested, grabbing Remus around the waist. Remus blushed as he pushed the other boy off, rolling his eyes and trying not to think about how much he honestly wouldn't mind that, sans audience of course.

"I think Remus deserves better than to be your rebound," Lily laughed and gave Remus a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.

James and Peter were beside them, attempting to agree in a most serious tone, when Remus looked around to find Sirius missing. With a frown he spun around, only to see the retreating form of Sirius far ahead of them on the path to town. Confused and just the littlest bit hurt, Remus nevertheless attempted to shrug off the slight and continue on. But of course James spotted his best friend far ahead of them, the same confused look mirrored on his bespectacled face, and shot a raised eyebrow at Remus who could only respond with a slight shrug.

The group of five soon made it to town and quickly beelined for their first destination of Honeydukes to procure some sweets. Stomping the snow from their boots, the friends breathed a sigh of relief as they stepped into the warmth within, the smell of sugar and chocolate assaulting their senses in a most welcome manner. James steered Lily straight for the candy flowers in a not-so-subtle attempt to woo her, Peter scurried off to get a trolley for all his purchases, and Remus and Will wandered aimlessly around the confectionary.

"So, do you have a favorite type of candy?" Will asked in the easy small talk that Remus found himself growing accustomed to with the other boy.

"Chocolate, though I'm most partial to dark chocolate," Remus replied without hesitation.

"You certainly have a type," the other boy winked, causing Remus to blush. He was beginning to think Will did that on purpose just to get a rise out of him.

"How about you?" Remus asked.

"Hmm, I'm not sure I could honestly choose," Will said, turning his head about as if seeking inspiration from the colorful shelves full of goodies, "I'm not a one-candy type of guy."

"Ah, commitment issues I see," Remus stated, shaking his head.

"Well why should I have to pick one when I can taste it all?" Will retorted, grabbing handfuls of random sweets to take up to the counter, looking behind him with a grin. Remus took eight bars of dark chocolate from the shelf and got in line behind Will as the boy paid for his candy. On a whim he grabbed a lollipop from an overhanging display that mentioned it would change flavor the closer you got to the center.

"Oh, living on the edge I see," Will said, eyeing Remus's impulse buy. "Perhaps I'll be a good influence on you yet."

"I'm hardly going to take advice from someone with commitment issues to candy," Remus sighed, rolling his eyes good naturedly at the other boy as he finished his purchase. "Shall we get something warm to drink at The Three Broomsticks?"

"Lead the way," Will said as they ducked back out into the cold.

Remus turned to put his purchases into his satchel when movement caught his eye and he glanced to the alley next to Honeydukes. It only took a moment for Remus to recognize the figure of Sirius within, busy snogging Whatever-Her-Name-Was against the side of the building, her hands clutched in his coat as she made soft stupid moans.

"Who...oh…" Will said from beside Remus, and though Remus had had quite enough of the sight and was pulling Will away, the sound caused Sirius to turn toward them. The dark haired boy's eyes went from lustful to hurt confusion within a second, a myriad of emotions Remus could not comprehend invoking as he turned away, hoping his face did not show how crestfallen he felt.

It was only once they'd turned down the next street that Remus realized his hand still held Will's, an action done only out of reflex as he attempted to make a hasty escape, yet the rightness of the other boy's hand in his own gave him pause. He looked down at it and then up into Will's eyes, which seemed to be studying him intently. Remus dropped it with an apology and a blush, but Will reached back out, squeezing his hand once, before letting go.

"You gunna be okay mate?" he asked, the concern evident in his tone.

Remus nodded, attempting to shake off the look Sirius had given him, hoping to confront the boy later and ask him what had been bothering him for so long. Then he realized he'd never asked Sirius about his brother, completely forgetting due to the party the other night. Remus suddenly felt like a horrible friend, though that couldn't possibly merit the look he'd just received. Sighing Remus gave Will a small smile, remembering that he was going to attempt to enjoy himself regardless of Sirius and his unpredictable moods.

"Shall we get some butterbeers?" he asked, and both boys walked side by side toward The Three Broomsticks. The cozy pub was already bustling with Hogwarts students, so it took a minute or two for Will and Remus to procure a small table in a corner. After sinking down into the wooden seat with a sigh, Remus removed his heavy coat and scarf, glad to have somewhere to relax and keep warm. Will did the same and shortly a stout old witch arrived to take their order. Once Remus's hot chocolate and Will's warm butterbeer arrived, the boys chatted, waving occasionally to other students and friends who walked past. Lily and James were at a table across the room, and Remus shot his friend a discreet thumbs up when he noticed they were both finally holding hands. Soon Sirius walked in, a blushing Mora on his arm, and Remus quickly averted his eyes before the other boy noticed him.

"Err, you want to talk about it mate?" Will said, being much too observant for Remus's taste.

Remus simply sighed, glancing discreetly up to see Sirius's back as the couple retreated into another corner of the pub.

"I'm really not sure what I did," he said finally, taking a gulp of his hot chocolate.

"Well...er, maybe he thinks you don't like his girlfriend?" Will suggested.

"Girlfriend?" Remus exclaimed, "They only got together this morning! And how could I hate her, we just met?"

"Okay okay, it's not that," Will said, putting his hands up in surrender.

"Sorry," sighed Remus, "I didn't mean to take it out on you. I just do not understand him sometimes...most of the time actually."

"Well, maybe you should try to care less what Sirius thinks?" Will suggested.

"Oh, I'm trying that...been trying that for a while actually," Remus said, slumping down a bit in his seat.

"Look Remus, if he's really your friend, and I know he is, he'll want you to be happy right? So just, try to have fun, at least for today, okay mate?"

"You're right Will," Remus said, sitting up straighter and smiling at the other boy, loving how the candlelight played in his bright eyes. "And I really want to thank you. For today and for last night, I've just had so much fun with you." He felt a warm hand upon his and looked down, eyes wide, to ascertain that yes, Will was indeed holding his hand.

"So have I Remus," Will said, and Remus could not help but shiver slightly at the way his name sounded on the other boy's lips. Will did not seem shy or concerned as he continued to hold both Remus' hand and his gaze, and though Remus was momentarily mesmerized, his insecurity quickly got the better of him as he ducked his head.

"Look Remus, I hate to presume, but I'm pretty sure you like this just as much as I do," Will said, gesturing his face toward their twinned hands.

"Cocky bastard," Remus replied quietly after a moment, tilting his head up to meet Will's eyes with a knowing smile.

"Maybe," Will shrugged, his eyes so full of happiness that Remus thought it would cause him to melt.

This boy, this handsome, intelligent, funny boy, liked him, wanted him, and didn't give a fig if anyone else found out. The thought was so freeing, such a boost to Remus' incredibly malnourished ego, that he was suddenly taken aback.

"This isn't some sort of prank, right?" Remus asked, once again unsure of himself. What did he possibly have to offer such an amazing boy who could honestly have anyone he chose in the whole school?

A sad look crossed Will's eyes, causing them to darken as he leaned closer. "Remus, why would you ever think that?"

"Because...I mean, why me?"

"Are you questioning my decision? Because, I'll have you know, I have impeccable taste," Will said, the smiling coming back to his eyes.

"I would never," Remus laughed, and Will slipped both hands around Remus's own.

"So," Remus finally said after a half a minute, "is this a date?"

"Would you like it to be?" Will asked.

"Yes, very much."

Remus returned to the castle happier than he could ever remember. He and Will had sat for hours in The Three Broomsticks, hands intertwined, and Remus had never felt so wanted before. Will had told Remus how glad he had been when Lily asked for his tutoring help, knowing it would be a great excuse to get to know the shy Gryffindor he'd found attractive for so long. Blushing at such unaccustomed praise, Remus told the other boy in turn how he'd begun to notice him but had heard about the girls Will had dated and given up hope before any could even exist. When Will explained how he fancied both men and women, it gave Remus pause, wondering if the other boy was simply confused and perhaps using him to decide which he prefered. But then when Will went on to say how gender was simply not an issue, he liked someone for their personality, Remus began to understand how lucky Will was to not have his attraction confined by gender.

Though Remus could tell that Will wished to ask about his, apparently obvious, crush on Sirius, he was thankful that he didn't bring it up. Remus was unsure what he would even say about that, with it all being so one-sided, a silly infatuation that he nevertheless could not seem to shake. But maybe now, with Will, he had a chance.

The boys walked back to the castle, their hands brushing as they trudged through the snow, smiling at their strange new relationship developed. They parted ways at the Great Hall after Will enveloped Remus in a tight hug, promising to catch him later.

As Remus made his way back to the dorm, he could not help the grin of contentment that was plastered to his face, and had been there for the past few hours. Opting to skip supper, as nerves and the fluttering sensation in his stomach had made Remus not the least bit hungry, Remus was not surprised to find the common room empty as he finally made it to the dorms. Pushing his door open, Remus sighed happily before falling onto his bed, his mind replaying every amazing moment of the day.

"So…"

Remus started, raising his head to find Sirius had been in the room all along, sitting quietly on his bed.

"Oh, hey Padfoot, didn't see you there," Remus said, trying to keep the grin from his face but failing miserably.

"Good time in Hogsmeade?" Sirius asked, looking down and picking at his nails.

"Err, ya, loads of fun actually. You? How's…" Remus had already forgotten the girl's name.

"Mora? Yeah she...she's great. I...I'm glad you had fun."

"You okay Padfoot?" Remus asked, walking over to sit on the side of the other boy's bed.

"Huh? Oh yeah, fine really," Sirius assured him in the least convincing tone imaginable.

"Really? I mean, I know we haven't had a chance to talk much and I was worried about you and your brother."

"Regulus? He's… I mean he's a right prick, nothing new with that though," Sirius said, finally looking up and giving Remus a slight smile.

Remus smiled back and bumped his shoulder into the other boys. "So… You're good? I was just worried because earlier…"

"I saw you holding hands," Sirius suddenly blurted out, his hands clutching his trouser legs, "You and Will."

It took a moment for Remus to respond as his body felt suddenly as if he'd been petrified. So many emotions ran through his head: guilt, shame, and above all fear, a fear that Sirius would be disgusted with him, that he'd no longer wish to be friends. He unconsciously fingered the charm around his neck as all the anxieties that his scars induced came back, bursting to the surface. He couldn't have friends, he shouldn't have friends. He'd always be a freak, why did he even try? Taking a deep breath, Remus attempted to regain control, at least then he could flee, leave the dorm before he could be hurt.

"Oh," said Remus finally, pushing to his feet and looking up to meet Sirius' eyes, frightened of the revulsion he'd see there, ready to run.

But instead, a small smile graced Sirius' lips, sad but loving as his eyebrows knitted in worry.

"Are you...I mean, does he make you happy?" Sirius asked, and Remus almost gasped with shock at the kindness in his friend's voice. Remus quickly sat back down, his body almost giving out on him as he attempted to reconcile what was actually happening with what he had predicted in his chaotic thoughts.

"Moony?" Sirius asked again, grabbing Remus's hand and squeezing it once, worry knitting his brow.

"Yeah Padfoot, he does," Remus said, his throat starting to tighten with emotion.

"What's the matter then?" Sirius said, and Remus could no longer contain himself. He fell gracelessly into Sirius's side, hugging him awkwardly, but the moment he felt long arms enfold him inturn he knew he was safe.

"Sorry," Remus said into Sirius's shoulder, "I just thought...I thought you'd be disgusted by me."

A hand stroked Remus's blond locks for a moment before Sirius pulled his face away to look him in the eye.

"You really think you fancying a bloke would make me feel that way about you?"

Remus shrugged and looked down at his hands which still clutched Sirius around the waist.

"Look, I'll have you know, I'm much more open minded than all that. Remember when I tried to help Peter get a date with Moaning Myrtle? Or when I got James that poster of that lady centaur he admired? I'm all for romance of all sorts," Sirius said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Remus chuckled and sat up straight, taking his hands from Sirius's side with a pang of remorse. "Sorry I didn't tell you."

"So...how long," Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Err...probably since second year…"

"You've been seeing William since second year?!" Sirius exclaimed.

"What? No, Merlin, I thought you meant how long have I liked blokes! William and I only kinda got together today!"

"Oh, well that's a relief," sighed Sirius, shaking his head before that oh-so-Sirius glint returned to his eyes. "So, what's it like to kiss a bloke?"

Remus turned bright red and ducked his head, suddenly very much done with this conversation.

"Look, I...not that it's any of your business but we haven't yet...so I wouldn't know. Now quit badgering me!"

"Sorry Moony, sorry," Sirius apologized, though his cheeky grin proved he was nothing of the sort. "So I take it James and Petey don't know you fancy a bit of cock, do they?"

Apparently Sirius wished for Remus to remain a blushing idiot, for Remus could not even think about meeting the other boy's eye after hearing him say 'cock' so casually.

"Look, now you know, and that's enough for now okay?" Remus sighed, his fingers picking at the edges of his jumper nervously.

"Say no more, your secret's safe with me Moony," Sirius exclaimed triumphantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -More to come in Chapter 4!
> 
> And please don't hate me for sticking Remus temporarily with Will, you know I love my Wolfstar so it's not forever!
> 
> Comments/Critique appreciated, or just say hi if you're another Wolfstar fan-


	4. Hidden Scars 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continued from Chapter 3  
> All Harry Potter Characters belong to J.K. Rowling

The next couple days went by in surprising normality for Remus. Sirius didn't mention anything about his secret, though he shot him many winks and put his arm around his shoulder at almost any opportunity. He and Will met up once for Potions tutoring, though seeing as Professor Slughorn had now decided he needed to personally oversee their private lessons, the boys were unable to be alone or do much more than smile knowingly at one another.

James, of course, was over the moon about Lily's newly romantic feelings toward him, and barely spent a moment doing anything other than gush over her attributes. Remus thought this new relationship would mean that James would spend less time with them, but it was just the opposite. Apparently he wished to initiate Lily into their fold, a move which Remus was all in favor of, so she now joined them at the breakfast table. But though there was much hand holding and flirtatious smiles, on James part mostly, their friend not-so-quietly bemoaned to his fellow Marauders how Lily seemed to be holding out on kissing him. So his latest plan, which Remus of course discouraged and Sirius was all too happy to support, was to earn a kiss from his red-headed love.

Remus sat in an overstuffed couch, Sirius leaning against his leg, as James pondered and paced the common room floor.

"You should just borrow my leather pants mate, they always do the trick to catch a bird's eye," Sirius suggested as Remus reached down to unconsciously stroke his long dark hair.

"I'm not sure seeing James's flat arse squeezed into a dead cow will quite do it for her," Remus rebuked, shooting down the eighth stupid idea of the night.

"It's not flat, it's just…" James trailed off.

"It's practically two dimensional mate,'" Sirius supplied but James was not paying the least bit of attention to him.

"Maybe just be nice to her and she'll eventually kiss you?" Remus suggested, wondering for the twentieth time what conditioner Sirius used, for he could run his fingers through his hair all day.

"Come on Moony, where's the Marauder spirit in that?" James replied as he continued wearing a groove in the carpet.

Sirius's gaze fell upon the Christmas bow that hung over the doors, put up early this morning by Professor McGonagall as December began.

"Maybe just throw yourself at her naked, wrapped only in a Christmas bow," Sirius chuckled and Remus swatted his head lightly.

"Wait maybe…" James started.

"Hey I was only joking, that's not gunna work mate," Sirius said, cocking his brow at his friend.

"No no not that. But you saw all that mistletoe Professor Binns was hanging in the Great Hall?" Both boys nodded, "Well, what if we used that?"

"Er, I really don't think she'll fall for that Prongs," Remus sighed, weary of opposing each idea.

"Well, obviously, but remember when Professor Sprout taught us to breed two different plants? And there was that one plant we learned about first year, what was it...Remus you know, the strangling one?"

"James, I really don't see how strangling Lily with Devil's Snare is…"

"Devil's Snare, yes that's it, thanks Moony," James interrupted.

"But…" Remus tried, but now both boys were on their feet, talking animatedly at one another.

"If we combine them, keep it small…"

"Just take the properties of holding someone in place…"

"Until they relax, or in this case kiss…"

"And then it will release them…"

"It's perfect!"

Remus let out a frustrated sigh and tilted his head back as his friends whooped in triumph.

"Okay Remus, you steal us some mistletoe," ordered James.

"Me?"

"Yes obviously, no one will suspect you walking around tonight. And I'll grab the Devil's Snare seedling and Sirius will get the potions we need, it'll be perfect! I'll see you all in Greenhouse Two in half an hour," James finished before sprinting off to grab his invisibility cloak.

"Padfoot…" Remus began, unsure what else he wished to follow it with that wasn't expressed in his reluctant tone.

"Come on Moony," Sirius said, grabbing his hands and pulling him from the comfort of his chair, "James needs our help. What kind of friends would we be if we let him go his whole life without a kiss?"

"I don't think…" Remus started, but then James returned, grabbing Sirius and pulling him under the cloak.

"See you soon Moony," said an invisible Sirius before the door opened and shut behind them.

Remus sighed and shook his head. He really would do anything Sirius asked him to, no matter how foolhardy, and he knew it. Something about the other boy just made him aim to please. It was no wonder Sirius's animagus took the form of a dog, with annoyingly pleading puppy eyes that just begged for attention and instilled the most irrational love Remus had ever felt. As Remus made his way toward the door, he knew this wouldn't be the last time he'd be doing something stupid for Sirius.

Two days later and the Marauders had spliced together and grown their very own Mistletoe Snare. The unassuming plant, when hung above a doorway, looked exactly like its harmless mother. Yet when one or more persons were beneath it, fine tendrils snaked out, grabbing its victims until they kissed, or simply relaxed. Though James had decided to omit that last part of course. As he tied his new creation with a festive red bow, Sirius made kissy faces as him which James promptly ignored.

"Alright, I'll put it up once everyone's cleared out of the common room for classes this morning," James said, lovingly petting the green leaves.

"Good luck mate, her lips will be yours in no time," Sirius said, shoving James's shoulder before pulling Remus out the door and on their way to Muggle Studies.

"How's he planning on getting her under it without anyone else being snared and giving the game away first?" Remus asked Sirius under his breath.

"Beats me mate, but it'll be loads of fun to watch!" Sirius laughed, slinging an arm across Remus's shoulders.

"She's going to hex him," Remus said, and Sirius nodded along, "and break up with him," another nod, "and probably kill him."

"Too true Moony, but they'll be together in the end."

"How do you know?" Remus asked.

"I saw it." Remus cocked an eyebrow for Sirius to continue. "In my tea leaves. In Divination," Sirius elaborated.

"Uh huh," Remus said, incredibly unconvinced.

"What you don't believe me? Madame Mopsus said I was 'Quite gifted in the head,' I'll have you know."

"Clearly," Remus responded and got nudged in the shoulder.

"Well who did the tea leaves say you'd end up with then?" Remus pressed.

"I'm not telling," Sirius said with an air of superiority as he raised his chin smugly.

"It's not...er..Mmm…" Remus began, "I know it started with an 'm.'

"Did you forget her name again?" Sirius berated with a sigh.

"Er, sorry, just slips my mind," Remus confessed in embarrassment.

"Apology not accepted, though, I'll have you know Mora and I broke up on Sunday…"

"That was the day after you started dating!" Remus exclaimed.

"We'll who's keeping track really?" Sirius sighed in a very unconcerned manner. "Plus all I really need is you, right Moony?"

Sirius batted his eyelashes comically and Remus struggled to suppress a grin.

"I'm all yours," he replied in his most nonchalant tone as they settled down for a day of lessons.

As Remus headed back into the common room later that evening after his Potions tutoring, he was assaulted by a cacophony of shouts and spells being cast about as students huddled beneath furniture or scrambled to get out of the way. In the middle of the floor stood Lily, her face red with anger as she alternated firing spells at the wall and shouted profanities at James. Though the aforementioned boy could not yet be seen, Remus soon discovered that the Mistletoe Snare was alive and well, having taken on a life of its own, scurrying across the wall to escape Lily's attempts to petrify it.

"James Potter, come out here at once!" yelled Lily as Remus ducked under a wayward spell and made his way cautiously forward.

"Er, my Lily-kins…" came a whimper from behind an overturned armchair, causing Lily to spin on her toes to face the disembodied voice.

"Don't you dare 'Lily'kins' me! How you could possibly think I'd kiss you…" Lily shouted until Remus came up behind her, putting one hand firmly on her wand arm just in case she attempted to hex him too.

"Lily, hey, maybe wait to murder James until there's less witnesses," Remus suggested, trying to steer the enraged redhead away from his friend.

"Hey!" James exclaimed, but Remus ignored it, putting an arm around Lily as she attempted to turn back toward Jame's voice. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the Mistletoe Snare scurry into a corner to hide, far from Lily's vindictive spells. When he looked down though, he saw Lily's furious eyes brimming with unshed tears and knew he needed to get her out and quickly away.

"Lily," Remus said, catching her eye with a meaningful glance, "I need some help in the library, do you think you can assist me?"

Lily's expression turned from rage to confusion before she nodded once, her shoulders shaking in suppressed anger as he helped her through the portrait hole.

"He...he's such a complete idiot," she said between gritted teeth as Remus led her up the stairs and out onto an empty walkway between two turrets.

Remus sighed and nodded his agreement, silently regretting he'd taken any part in this incredibly childish prank that had now hurt his friend. There really was no dissuading James though once he'd got an idea in his head. Remus knew, he'd tried. Multiple times.

Out in the cool night air, Lily leaned against the cold stone bridge and breathed deep, taking a moment to calm herself as Remus looked out on the Great Lake, the light of the quarter moon reflected in its serene surface.

"I really thought he'd finally grown up, you know?" Lily said calmly, though the pain was evident in the quiver of her voice.

"He has really, it was just...James likes you so much, and you know people do incredibly stupid things to impress a pretty girl," Remus said.

"Sure," Lily replied, hanging her head momentarily. "I like him too, you know? But when he pulls pranks like this...I just feel like we're back in year one again. And I don't want to date eleven year-old James."

'I don't blame you there, he was a gawky little runt," Remus replied, earning a small smile from Lily. "Hair everywhere...big old glasses. Well actually that hasn't changed much, but really Lil, he has-grown up I mean. And you know he'll do anything for you."

"I know," Lily sighed, "Thanks Remus, for this, and for stopping me before I used any Unforgivables on his stupid arse."

"Well I'm sure a jury would side with you, but just in case," Remus smiled as Lily bumped his shoulder with her own. "Besides, Sirius told me you two were destined to be together. He read it in his tea leaves."

"Sirius, really? Huh, had no idea he was such a romantic," Lily shrugged and was silent for a moment. "You two are really close, aren't you?"

"Who, Sirius and I? As close as any of us are I guess," Remus assented, hoping the conversation was not headed in the direction he thought.

"Really? I thought...I mean he's always got his arm around you."

"He does that to James too, and Pete," Remus supplied.

"But not as often. And whenever I walk into the common room his head's in your lap or on your knee, or your shoulder," Lily added.

"Er, he says it relaxes him," Remus said quietly.

"Does he? Hmm. Well, I'm not sure he would do those things with just any bloke, or any girl for that matter," Lily continued.

"What are you trying to say Lily? That Sirius fancies me? He's straight as...well I don't know what, but do you know how many girls he's pulled?" Remus sighed.

"I'm not sure even I could count that high," Lily laughed, but then stopped when she saw Remus wasn't joining her. "Look...is he leading you on? Cause if he is…"

"What? No, Lily, thank you, but I don't...you've got it wrong is all," Remus said, forcing a smile. "We're mates, that's it."

"You know you can tell me anything Remus," Lily said, putting her hand on his shoulder.

"I...I know, really Lil, there's nothing, I promise," Remus said in the most convincing tone he could muster. He just was not ready to tell anyone about that, to see the pity in her eyes, to have all the stupidity at his unrequited love become a reality to someone else.

"So, will you give James another chance?" Remus asked after a minute.

"Yeah, I guess I will. But I'm going to make him work for it."

Remus and Lily talked for a long awhile, though as the hour grew late she said she wanted a bit of time to herself before heading to bed. After a long hug and many words of support, Remus headed down the stairs and back into the common room, which he found deserted but no longer in the chaotic state he'd happened upon it earlier. He pulled an armchair closer to the fire and took one of his books from his satchel, opening it to enjoy the quiet evening before he'd have to head up to the dorm and deal with James.

Within ten minutes though, Remus heard the sound of footsteps descending from the boy's dorm and wondered if he'd have to either scould or placate James sooner than he'd like.

"Moony?" came a voice from behind him, causing Remus to turn in his chair with a smile to instead find Sirius walking toward him.

"Hey, is James okay?" Remus asked as Sirius squished beside him on the giant overstuffed chair.

"He's a bit petrified that Lily might kill him...or refuse to date him, not sure which is worse to him now, but he'll survive. Gave him a sleeping draught. That boy could give Moaning Myrtle a run for it, ghastly," Sirius chuckled as he draped his legs over Remus to get more comfortable.

"Glad you were there for him," Remus said and Sirius smiled infectiously at him.

"Well you calmed Lily down, kept her from hexing anyone. They should give you a bloody medal for that, no one could stop her. Had to duck behind that statue after I suggested she just kiss him and be done with it."

Remus shook his head. "Somehow I don't think that was at all helpful Padfoot."

"Hmm, you think?" Sirius said, pushing Remus' shoulder. "So she going to give our Prongs another chance?"

"Only if he learns to behave himself," Remus replied.

"Well where's the fun in that?" Sirius sighed, straightening up and looking into the fire.

"I…" Remus started, only to be interrupted by the odd sensation of something wrapping around his torso.

At that same moment Sirius's eyes went wide. "Bloody hell!" he yelled, squirming as they both looked down to find green tendrils snaking their way around them.

"Oh great, it's Prong's stupid kissing plant," Sirius sighed, struggling before Remus could stop him.

"Don't squirm Padfoot, you know that just makes it worse. Where'd it crawl out from anyway, no one petrified it after I left?"

"How the hell should I know?" Sirius said, looking up at the plant that had somehow made its way to the chandelier above them, leafy tendrils extending to ensnare unsuspecting prey. After a moment though his eyes turned back to Remus, the devilish glint in them causing Remus to swallow.

"So, you know how we get out of this, right Moony?" Sirius said, leaning much too close for Remus' love-addled mind to know what to do with.

"Er, I think you just have to relax…"

"Or kiss," Sirius suggested.

"I'm not kissing you Sirius," Remus replied, cursing internally as he heard his own voice quiver slightly.

"Why not? I'll have you know, I'm an excellent kisser," Sirius countered, looking strangely serious about the matter.

"This isn't awkward at all," Remus muttered, the conversation not helping him relax in the least. His palms were sweaty and he couldn't bring himself to look Sirius in the eye.

"Come on Moony, you know you want to." And though Sirius raised an eyebrow at Remus, the normal jesting smile seemed to be lacking.

"You think everyone wants to kiss you," Remus sighed, taking a deep breath as he attempted again to relax.

"Well am I wrong?"

"Look, you kiss me tonight, by tomorrow things will be bloody awkward Padfoot, so stop joking and let's get out of this mess!" Remus was at his wits end. Sirius seemed in a mood to provoke him, for what reason he could not fathom. And it was taking every ounce of his will to say 'no' to the boy he had dreamed about kissing since year one. And of course James' stupid plant, sensing his anxiety, spun another tendril around Remus' arm, pulling tighter and stressing him further.

"And if I promise not to make it awkward?" Sirius prodded and Remus slumped his head onto his rapidly constricted chest.

"Fine, just…" Remus wasn't allowed to finish as soft lips met his own.

His eyes widened momentarily, shocked to see Sirius' face so close to his own, his perfect long lashes closed over his silvery eyes, dark fringe trailing to frame his lovely features. Then Remus too closed his eyes, melting into the other boy, opening his mouth slightly as Sirius slanted his lips in a desperate hunger that left Remus stunned. After a moment he felt a hand on his face, sweeping over his cheekbone to caress his jaw, and Remus leaned in closer until Sirius was backed up against the chair. He tried not to think about his scars, hoping Sirius could not feel them beneath the layer of magic that concealed them, but then all concerns left his mind. After a moment he remembered his inexperience and pulled back, allowing Sirius to once again take the lead, and Sirius turned slightly to reverse their positions, running his hand through Remus' dirty blond locks before pulling back and opening his eyes. When Sirius's lips left his own, Remus followed suite, more than slightly out of breath, the color visible in his cheeks. Sirius leaned in and planted a soft kiss on Remus' forehead then pulled back and stood, the plant's snaking tendrils long ago dropped from their bodies.

"See, told you I was a good kisser," he said, though the normal smugness was replaced by something a lot more tender. Glancing up, Sirius frowned. "Blasted plant went back into hiding, we'll have to petrify it tomorrow."

"Er," was apparently the only sound Remus was able to make, and Sirius laughed and shook his head.

"Come on Moony," he said, grabbing Remus' hand and pulling the stunned boy up, "let's go check on poor Jamie, then you can dream about kissing me all night long."

"Cocky bastard," Remus replied, shoving Sirius' shoulder with his own as they made their way side by side up to the dorm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continued in Chapter 5  
> Thank you for reading, I love reviews and meeting fellow Wolfstar lovers!


	5. Hidden Scars 4.5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains mature sexual situations, so if you don't like, don't read. It's not necessary to the story so you don't have to read it if you don't want to, but where's the fun in that?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All Harry Potter Character are owned by J.K. Rowling
> 
> -This is an extra chapter between Chapters 4 & 5 of Hidden Scars. It's not necessary to the story but has explicit content (wanking) so I made it separate so that readers who wanted to see it could, but those who want a more innocent version of the boys don't have to read it-

True to his word, Sirius did not make things awkward for Remus, a blessing he was incredibly grateful for. Not another word was spoken of the kiss that night as they stayed up with James, who had somehow fought the sleeping draught Sirius gave him, and they were finally able to convince him that Lily would no doubt be willing to give him another chance. Sirius gave Remus a wink before climbing into bed, shutting his curtains as Remus blushed and did the same. He tried to sleep, and given the late hour it should have come quickly to him, yet so many thoughts seemed to churn around in his head. That kiss, that incredibly passionate kiss that Sirius seemed so intent on giving him, replayed over and over in his mind. What could it possibly mean? How could Sirius wish to kiss him? Was it just a passing curiosity, the other boy suddenly wondering what it would be like to kiss a bloke when he found out Remus's inclinations? It couldn't possibly be any more than that, could it?

Remus let out a deep sigh, once again recalling just how right it had felt to have Sirius's soft lips against his own, his tongue sure and demanding, how his hand had caressed his face so gently. He knew it could never go beyond that, not that Sirius would be the least bit interested in dating a man, much less Remus. But even if he was, even if somehow Sirius wanted something more, he knew he'd never be able to give it to him. Between the burden of his lycanthropy, the cross he'd have to bare for the rest of his life, and his scars, the horrible markings he could not reveal even to those he loved most, there was just no way.

But that one moment when their lips first touched, when he imagined that someone could want him, someone as perfect and beautiful as Sirius- he would hold onto that forever. Remus clutched his pendant as he rolled over in bed for the tenth time that night, sleep still ever elusive.

Remus felt like he'd never get to sleep, especially not with the focus of his tumultuous thoughts only a bed away. Not only was his mind racing, but recalling that kiss was making Remus incredibly hard. Knowing he would never sleep otherwise, Remus reached for his wand, casting a quick silencing charm around his bed before setting it aside. With his breath already hitched in anticipation, Remus slid his hand beneath his waistband, taking his hardened length in hand and stroking himself firmly from root to tip. He couldn't help the moan that escaped his lips as he bucked his hips, grasping himself more firmly, all the while wishing it was Sirius touching him-Sirius wanting him. With his free hand, Remus traced a finger along his lips, recalling how incredible it had felt to kiss Sirius, all the longing and passion as they touched in a more intimate way than ever before. He could feel his cock leaking as precum dripped onto his fingers, each stroke eliciting a deep moan as he thought of Sirius. Pushing his pajamas around his thighs, Remus looked down at his own cock, watching its hardened length revealed with each downward stroke, the crown curved up to leave a sticky trail right below his belly button. His hand was such a poor replacement for the man he desired, yet it was all Remus had. Closing his eyes, Remus turned onto his stomach and closed his eyes, thrusting hard and fast into the mattress, his prick confined, the friction allowing him to better imagine it was Sirius' lovely body he was moving against. Feeling himself getting close, Remus sped up his movements, gasping rhythmically into his pillow, his hips arching up off the bed before thrusting forward into his own come-slick hand. He wanted Sirius so badly, his body ached and pulsed with so much desire for the other boy that it completely overwhelmed Remus. With a last muffled cry he tightened his grip, pulling his cock forcefully as come spilled from his slit, coating his blankets and hand as he continued to rock into the mattress, pressing his body forward over and over until his orgasm finally subsided.

As he lay there panting, a horrible emptiness engulfed Remus. It was so sudden, so sharp that he almost cried out in pain. This was all he'd ever have. This was all he could have. There was no escaping it. He couldn't have Sirius. He shouldn't be with Will. He'd break things off with the other boy tomorrow. Holding back tears, Remus sighed and swallowed hard before grabbing his wand, cleaning himself up, and burying himself in the blankets, hoping sleep would take him soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Continued in Chapter 5-
> 
> Comments/ Critique welcome, I love meeting other Wolfstar fans


	6. Hidden Scars 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All Harry Potter characters owned by J.K. Rowling
> 
> -PLEASE READ FIRST-
> 
> So this is continued from Chapter 4 or 4.5. Chapter 4.5 is an extra chapter for mature audiences involving a sexual situation but reading it is not necessary to the story so I made it separate so that those who do not want to read anything explicit don't have to. But please read it if you like that sort of thing, I know I do!

The next morning Remus did not want to get out of bed. As he was normally the first to rise, this obviously aroused suspicion from his dorm mates, so when he heard the door shut and the sound of voices receding, Remus thought he was alone. Until a persistent mutt stuck his wet black nose between the bed curtains and proceeded to jump onto the bed, crushing Remus.

It was impossible not to laugh as Padfoot lay across him, his tail wagging and tongue attempting to lick Remus as he attempted to hold his animagus friend at bay.

"Okay okay, I surrender, enough Padfoot," Remus said, unable to dislodge the stubborn dog from his chest. Padfoot pawed at Remus, laying his head down and looking up with glassy eyes before Remus gave in and pet him.

"Can't a bloke have a lie-in in peace?" he muttered before Padfoot rolled off him and suddenly changed back into Sirius.

"Only trying to help Moony, thought perhaps you were feeling a bit peaky," Sirius said, shaking his long black hair out like a dog before flashing him an infectious grin.

"And how does you crushing and then trying to lick me actually help?" Remus sighed, though he could already tell his mood had lightened.

"Oh I wasn't trying to help you," Sirius snickered before dodging a flying pillow.

"I should've guessed," Remus sighed before falling back onto his comforter. "I'm going back to bed."

"But Moony, we'll miss breakfast!"

"Then go without me."

"Come on, I'll give you a kiss if you get up," Sirius said, catching his own lower lip in his teeth.

"No, never again!" Remus yelled and sat up, his voice much louder than he'd intended.

Sirius' shocked expression turned instantly to hurt, but was masked so quickly that Remus almost missed it. Though Sirius now smiled at him, Remus could still see the pain behind his eyes.

"Of course, I was only joking," he said, getting up from the bed. "I'll see you at breakfast, yeah?" And with that he rather quickly exited the room.

"Damn it!" Remus yelled into thin air and flopped back down, grabbing a pillow and crushing it to his stomach. He hadn't meant to yell like that, it was just such gut reaction to prevent any more pain that he'd instinctively did what was best to protect his already broken heart. The last thing he needed right now was to push his best friend away. Especially as he had already decided to break things off with Will. Now he'd need Sirius' support more than ever, being the only one who knew about their relationship. Hopefully Sirius would forgive him.

With a sigh Remus righted himself and ran his hands through his hair, willing away the compounding stresses of the day that kept piling upon him.

Remus spent the morning distracted as he thought of what to say to break things off with Will. Luckily Sirius quickly forgave him after a muttered apology at the breakfast he almost missed, slinging his arm around Remus with his normal enthusiasm and lack of respect for personal space that had come to define their friendship. Remus barely paid attention in History of Magic and then almost completely ruined his potion, though luckily Sirius was watching him with a shrewd eye and saved the draught before it was a complete waste. At lunch he wasn't hungry, just pushed the innards of his meat pie around until the meal was over.

As lunch came to an end and students began to file out to their last double class of the day, Sirius pulled Remus aside.

"Something on your mind Moony?" Sirius enquired once everyone was out of hearing.

"What?" Remus asked, not paying the least bit of attention.

"What do you mean 'what?' You've been distracted all day!" Sirius said in exasperation.

"Look I...I'm just trying to think of what to say," Remus replied cryptically.

"Well that doesn't usually take so much effort for you...maybe for Pete…"

Remus rolled his eyes, "Never mind then if you're just going to joke."

"What? No, okay I'm sorry Moony, I'm serious...and I don't mean that as a joke either!" he cried, pulling Remus' sleeve as he tried to walk away after the pun on his name. When Remus stopped and sighed, Sirius put a hand on each of his shoulders and looked him in the eye.

"If you want to talk, you know I'm here right?"

"Yeah I...thanks Sirius," Remus said, reaching up to touch one of Sirius's hands briefly. "There's just something I have to do later, but can we talk about it after?"

"Sure Moony, whatever you need," Sirius replied and surprised Remus with a quick hug. Remus took the moment to relax, to take in the feel of Sirius's arms wrapped around him, his long hair tickling his nose, the smell of his freshly washed robes mingling with the soap Sirius always used. He could stay like this forever.

But of course the moment ended all too soon and Remus found Sirius smiling up at him and it was impossible not to smile back.

"Come on, can't be late to zone out in another class," Remus laughed as both boys walked together to Muggle Studies.

Thankfully both Remus's mood and ability to concentrate improved as the day went on, especially with Sirius beside him to lighten the atmosphere. Finally on his own though, Remus entered the Potions classroom to find Will already there waiting for him, and his chest once again grew tight with trepidation.

Will smiled his normally handsome smile at Remus, and he attempted it in return as best he could, all the while revising what he would say to the other boy once they could be alone. Professor Slughorn bumbled around in the background as Will helped Remus with his studies, though every touch of their hands that had once set off sparks of excitement now caused a cold chill to grow in Remus' stomach. He liked Will. A lot. Yet, this just could never be, for so many reasons. And later he'd have to tell the other boy precisely that. He knew Will could tell he was distracted, and a concerned look seemed to often cross the other boy's face as Remus' restlessness quickly made itself known.

"I think...perhaps we should call it quits for the day?" Will asked as Remus forgot something he should already know for the second time. Remus nodded gratefully and the boys cleaned up their potions supplies and headed to the door.

"Remus, is...is everything alright? You seem…" Will started before Remus could interrupt him.

"Can we...could we find somewhere to talk?" Remus asked, glancing around the empty corridor.

"Sure, um, I think there's an empty classroom down the hall," Will said, the worry evident in his tone as he led the way past a suit of armor and opened the doors to a disused room.

Remus glanced about, noting the dust in the air and upon every desk and chair. At least there was no chance they'd be interrupted. With a sigh he closed the door behind him and made his way toward Will who was half perched on one such ancient desk.

"So…" Will started, taking one of Remus's hands in his own and cocking an eyebrow at him.

"Look...I don't know how to say this," Remus began.

"How to say what? That you're still crazy about Sirius?" Will deducted, furrowing his brow slightly.

Remus simply stood agast, his mouth open, unsure what to say.

"It's really obvious you know," Will continued, "Well to me at least. And I really can't blame you, he's quite fit, but the way he leads you on…"

Remus felt like the wind had been knocked out of him as he slumped against the desk opposite of the other boy.

"I don't mean to presume, but by the way you shied from my touch and wanted 'to talk,' I guessed you were thinking of calling it off with us. Am I right?" Will asked.

Remus met his eyes, so angry with himself and yet sad that the other boy could guess where his heart truly lie. He nodded slightly before looking back at the ground.

"Well I think that would be a mistake. Remus, I really care about you, not just as a friend, like Sirius does. We could have more, don't you want that?"

Remus looked back up, saw the determination in Will's eyes and knew he owed the other boy at least an explanation of sorts.

"Will, I really like you too, it's just…"

"Look, I understand, this is new, and strange. And I'm not Sirius, I will never be him, and I know that's tough cause you've had your heart set on him for Merlin knows how long. But we can make this work. Just, let him go. Give us a chance, please?"

Remus was at a loss for words. Everything Will said was exactly what he wanted to hear. Words he knew Sirius could not say to him. Words he'd never even hoped of hearing.

"At least...at least let me kiss you. If you feel nothing for me after that, we can end things. I don't want to push you into something you don't want, but can you at least do that for me?" Will pleaded.

Remus took a moment to think, attempting to remind himself of all the reasons he knew this couldn't work, how much was stacked against him in the scheme of things. But at the same time, if he didn't let himself get too wrapped up in this, didn't let things go beyond merely having fun with Will, couldn't he allow himself this one small gift? To be happy with someone, to allow someone else to care for him and treat him as more than the monster he knew himself to be inside. If he could only keep that hidden, not allow their relationship to become anything serious, he didn't see the harm.

And then there was Sirius. He knew he had to let him go. And this was his chance, the moment he'd been waiting for, finally after telling himself over and over to get over his unrequited love for Sirius.

Letting out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, Remus sighed and stood up straight, taking the one step toward Will that separated them between the desks.

"Of course," he said, and the smile that lit up Will's face was so warm it caused Remus to blush and look downward. But within a moment he felt a finger lift his chin, causing his amber eyes to meet Will's blue ones, his gaze so intense that Remus thought nothing of closing the remaining space between them.

As Will slanted his mouth over Remus' own, all thoughts fled the werewolf's mind save for the pure physical sensation of being kissed. Without all the build up, all the pressure of kissing Sirius, he simply was able to give in without worrying about messing things up between them. And Will seemed quite the practiced kisser. His lips were firm moving against his own, and after a moment Remus felt the wet tip of Will's tongue probe against him, seeking entrance. Remus gladly gave in, opening his mouth to the other boy as Will pulled him closer, one hand snaking around his waist, the other weaving into the hair at his nape.

Though the majority of Remus' attention were occupied by the boy he kissed, a rogue thought still nagged at him. This wasn't Sirius. And because of that, no matter how good it felt physically, it could never be completely right. Not like it had been with Sirius. But he pushed that thought aside, realizing the futility of indulging in speculation when he could be enjoying what he currently had, imperfect as it may be. He liked Will. And Will liked him. It could be enough, couldn't it?

With a small sigh, Remus pulled back slightly, a shy smile gracing his lips. He knew his cheeks were flushed, and his hair was probably a right mess from Will's fingers running through it, but for once he felt attractive as Will smiled appreciatively at him.

"I just...it's alright if we take this slow, right?" Remus asked, worrying his bottom lip which still tasted of the other boy.

"Of course Remus," Will said softly, running his hand along Remus' jaw.

"Maybe," Remus started, suddenly emboldened, "if you'd like I mean, would you want to come hang out in the Gryffindor common room with me tomorrow night?"

"Sure, I'll sneak in some Firewhiskey, bribe your friends into liking me."

"Well I think they like you well enough already after Hogsmeade, but knowing them, more alcohol wouldn't hurt," Remus replied.

"Then it's a date."

The next evening after classes and supper, Remus found himself discreetly opening the Gryffindor portrait to one very stealthy Ravenclaw clutching two bottles of illegal alcohol under his robes.

James and Lily, squished onto one oversized chair, welcomed Will with warm smiles as Peter inquired if he'd perhaps brought any treats from the kitchen along with him.

"Sorry mate, it was hard enough looking innocent carrying these beauties," Will said, procuring the Firewhisky non-too magically from beneath his robes.

"Don't you have an entire half a strawberry tart beside your bed Wormy?" Sirius sighed, making his way down the stairs and shaking his head at his insatiable friend.

"Well I fancied something chocolaty," Peter sighed like a spurned lover.

"No tart will ever hold a candle to a real tart for that one," James joked as Lily gave him a playful shove.

"Can't blame him there mate," Will shrugged as Peter passed Sirius in a scurry up the stairs to finish off his forgotten treat, "I'm switching my orientation to pudding-sexual."

Remus laughed and took the middle cushion of the couch by the fire, watching as Will handed James a bottle before settling down to Remus' right. Looking up, he saw Sirius still standing on the last step, observing the common room with a wary expression.

"Care to join us Sirius?" Will asked.

"Or do you have a hot date?" James said, making kissing faces as Lily rolled her eyes.

"Perhaps he's been hit with a petrification and we didn't notice?" Remus suggested. "Don't blink if you need our help Padfoot."

Sirius shook his head, tearing himself from whatever daze he had apparently been in, before plastering on what Remus determined to be a very forced smile.

"No date, 'cept with you ungrateful wankers," Sirius said with a flourish as he strut over to the couch and sat quite closely beside Remus.

Remus was almost entirely sure he did not own a textbook thinner than the gap between where their thighs almost touched, and he almost sided closer to the other boy before he remembered where he was and who he was here with. Plus this was Sirius. Which meant that nothing he did was exactly serious. He could honestly just be testing Remus, a game to see who gave in first and scooted away. Typical.

Will passed his bottle around, first to Remus who took a small swig, remembering his last run in with alcohol with less than fondness, and then to Sirius who seemed desperate to find the bottom of said bottle. Laughing a bit hysterically, Remus pulled it away from the other boy before he could put the "Black" into "blackout drunk" and gave it back to Will.

"Too bad they had to cancel the Yule Ball this year," James said, looking sadly at the snowflakes falling past the windowpane. "Right when I had a hot date all lined up."

Lily pushed him and scoffed, but there was no force behind it. "Don't assume anything Potter. I'm not sure I'd want to go with you even to a nonexistent ball."

James stuck out his lower lip and did a horrible impression of a kicked puppy.

"No no, you've got it all wrong, it's like this," Sirius said, flinging his hair back before turning his big watery eyes on Remus.

"Bad dogs go to the doghouse, not the Yule Ball," Remus said, rolling his eyes and feigning indifference to his friends' charms.

"Who were you planning on taking to the ball Will?" James asked, pulling Lily back into his arms with a sigh.

"That bloke you kissed at your party?" Sirius answered for him.

"He should be so lucky," Will replied, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at Sirius before they all burst out laughing. All but Sirius who scooted closer to Remus with a shocked expression upon his face.

"Save me from this rake my good Moony," he said clutching Remus' arm. "He wants to have his wicked way with me!"

"Don't worry, I'm not much into dark hair...where'd Peter go by the way?"

James let out a howl of laughter as Remus and Sirius exchanged a look, biting back their smiles.

"Probably making love to that strawberry tart...not you Evans, obviously," Sirius corrected.

"Hey Pete, we've got a real live human being willing to snog you, come downstairs if you're interested," Remus called.

If Peter heard, he refused to acknowledge it and the friends continued to laugh at his expense until Remus had to wipe tears from his eyes.

"So who were you taking to the ball Sirius?" Will asked, giving Remus a quick glance.

Sirius seemed to ponder the question for a moment before reaching an arm around the back of the couch and draping it lightly over Remus's shoulders. Remus hoped he was able to school his expression before he blushed or did something else incredibly stupid.

"Well since I can't have one of my best mates going stag, I thought I'd just tag along with Moony here," Sirius said, giving Remus' arm a squeeze.

"And what makes you think I wouldn't have a date?" Remus replied, leaning forward and away from Sirius, slightly hurt that the other boy thought that he couldn't get a date if he wished.

"I just assumed."

"Well here's to me proving you wrong. Lily, would you do me the honor of being my beautiful date to this hypothetical annulled Yule Ball?" Remus asked, turning to the redhead on James' lap.

"See, that's how you ask a girl out," Lily replied, giving James a haughty look. "I'd be honored Remus. I shall wear my most hypothetically low cut dress and we'll dance all night to imaginary music while James gapes and drools a puddle bigger than the Great Lake until we all are forced to evolve into merfolk."

"What the devil is she talking about?" James muttered with a raised eyebrow.

"I think you should ask her to this fake dance Prongs," Sirius said out of the corner of his mouth, the confusion mirrored on his face.

"Er...my Lilypad...do you want…"

"I'm going with Remus, did you not listen?"

"And she's drunk," Sirius laughed, putting his arm back around Remus who pushed it off once again.

"Don't think you're getting out of this so easily," Remus muttered and scooted closer to Will.

"You're not drunk," Sirius replied, eyeing Remus and Will's close proximity.

"I don't have to be drunk to tell you off. Why don't you think I can get a date?"

"Look, you can get a date, okay? I just didn't think...never mind," Sirius looked at Remus and took a deep breath. "I was being a complete git, I didn't mean it. I'm sorry."

"Oh," said Remus. "Okay well, alright then." Sirius never apologized. This was new. And odd. Remus was both pleased and wary.

"Er...what are you doing?" Sirius said as Remus poked him.

"Trying to find out who you really are. Got to be a Hufflepuff. Too nice. Sirius doesn't apologize. Do your homework Hufflepuff before you use Polyjuice Potion next time."

Sirius threw his head back and laughed. "I promise it's me. Ask me anything."

"Where do you keep all the muggle magazines of naked birds?" James chimed in.

"Eww James. Sirius please don't answer that," Lily said.

"Who did you take to Hogsmeade last week?" Will asked.

"Mmm...shite...it started with an 'm'..." Sirius thought.

"Damn it I don't even remember her name," Will laughed.

"Okay what subject's your favorite?" Lily asked.

"Easy, Muggle Studies," Sirius beamed, as if answering something correct about himself was any kind of accomplishment.

"Well then," Remus took a moment to think, "What's your Patronus?"

"A wolf, of course," Sirius replied, giving Remus a wink that caused him to blush.

"Wait, you can conjure a Patronus?" Will asked, a bit incredulously.

"Yep, Remus can too. What's yours again Moony?" Sirius smiled.

"A mangy dog."

"Huh," said Will. "I'm impressed."

"No...don't say it, you'll only inflate his ego," Remus sighed, shaking his head as Sirius beamed brighter.

"Not impressed by him, he probably just copied you," Will explained, laughing as Sirius deflated slightly.

"Hey!"

"Well, give him a reason not to think that! All you ever do it copy off me!"

"And even Ravenclaw knows that?"

"Mate, even the professors know it!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Continued in Chapter 6-
> 
> Comments/Critique welcome, I love meeting other Wolfstar fans! What did you think of Remus giving in to Will even though he's still mad about Sirius?!


	7. Hidden Scars 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continued from Chapter 6
> 
> All Harry Potter Characters owned by J.K. Rowling

The friends talked and laughed until late in the night, when the fire had begun to die, eyes drooped, and the firewhiskey was long since gone. Lily excused herself to bed, James trailing behind in the hopes of getting a good night kiss.

"I'd better get myself back to my dorm," Will announced. "It's been fun, you're welcome to join me and my mates there any time."

Sirius gave Will a slight nod and James waved tiredly as he made his way upstairs after an unsuccessful snog-attempt. Remus pulled himself up from the comfy cushions and made his way to the portrait hole with Will.

After stepping outside, out of earshot of the others, Will leaned forward. Remus tensed, thinking the other boy was about to kiss him, but instead Will simply wrapped his arms around him in a hug.

"Thanks for the invite. It was really fun. I'll see you tomorrow yeah?"

Remus nodded, hugging the other boy back.

"And good on you for standing up to Sirius. Didn't know you had it in you."

Nodding again, unsure how to respond to that, Remus pulled away and smiled. "See you tomorrow Will," he said before turning and making his way back into the common room.

"So…" Sirius started, turning on the couch where he was hidden from view, causing Remus to jump unexpectedly.

"Merlin, you scared me, why are you still here?"

"Just wanted to make sure you were alright."

Remus made a show of shaking his head at the other boy. "It's not as if I'm going to get ravaged half a meter outside the common room Sirius. Not everyone is like you."

Throwing his hands up in mock surrender, Sirius let out a huff of indignation. "You make snogging sound like a crime!"

"Well if it's not a crime, then don't make me feel like a criminal!"

"So you were snogging?" Sirius asked, feigning nonchalance.

"I both don't have to and don't want to answer that," Remus replied, walking away.

"Moony!" Sirius whined, "I don't want to fight with you, come back here please!"

Remus groaned and threw his head back, praying silently to the cobwebs above that this wasn't happening.

"Moony look, I just worry about you alright? I know I can be a selfish git," to which Remus nodded, "but I just...just want you to be happy okay?"

Remus made his way back over to the couch and sat down, not nearly as close to Sirius as he would honestly like. But tough.

"Padfoot, do you have a problem with this?" Remus asked in hushed tones. "The last time we talked you said you didn't, but now you're poking fun at Will kissing another bloke and making it seem like I can't get a date. Then turning nursemaid on me when all I did was walk Will to the door."

Sirius straightened up, chewing his bottom lip in thought.

"If my...you know...is going to be a problem for you, tell me now," Remus finished, crossing his arms and hoping the fact that he was shaking wasn't apparent to Sirius.

"I don't know," Sirius started as Remus' eyes grew wide, "No no, not about you liking a bit of cock," Remus wanted to crawl into a basilisk nest and die, "I just mean I don't know why I acted the way I did. I know you're tougher than all us Marauders combined, but I can't stand to see you hurt and I just got carried away trying to protect you. But I'll stop. Really. With, you know, being a total wanker and all."

"Really?"

"Yes, for absolutely- really really," Sirius said, puffing out his chest a bit. "Now will you come over here?" Sirius patted the cushion beside him.

Taking a deep breath Remus scooted beside Sirius who wrapped him in a much needed hug for a minute before they made their way to the dorm.

A week later, Remus awoke in the early morning to the troubling thought of what he was to tell Will in regard to the full moon. It had kept him from sleep for much of the previous night, knowing he couldn't reveal his secret to someone he had only just begun to trust, and yet fearing the other boy might suspect when he was absent for days from classes and tutoring. They had taken to meeting in each other's common rooms or empty classrooms on most evenings, even just for a short while. It was fun and easy in a way that Remus needed, but despite Will's quiet nudging, they had not done more than kiss on two occasions. It wasn't that he didn't feel attracted to Will, far from it. Yet every time he kissed Will, Remus heart just wasn't entirely in it and he'd end up making up stupid excuses to cut their time short.

"Padfoot," Remus whispered, parting his curtains toward the bed beside his, "You awake?"

"Mmph," came a garbled reply from the bed so Remus tiptoed over and joined his friend, who sat bleary-eyed up in bed.

"It's too early for chocolate," Sirius mumbled, "but there's some in my trunk if you…"

"No no, I just needed your advice," Remus said, snuggling beside the other boy.

"Hmm, alright. Well don't eat flobberworms, even on a dare. Never try to bribe McGonagall with catnip, and please don't snog Snivellus or tell me if you have cause I'll lose my breakfast even if I haven't eaten yet."

"Okay, thanks, I won't, and ew. But I actually had a more specific question."

"Oh right, shoot Moony," Sirius said, rubbing the sleep from his eye.

Remus took a minute to wonder how he could still find Sirius so bloody attractive even in Hippogriff pajamas with his hair sticking up in all directions.

"Well, the full is tonight," Remus started, "And I don't know what to tell Will. I know he'll notice I'm gone, and I don't want him to worry. Or find out. Obviously."

"Obviously. Hmm, well let's see. We could say you gave McGonagall catnip…"

"Okay let's move forward from that train of thought."

"Right. Well you could be sick with something contagious? That way he won't visit you in hospital," Sirius suggested.

"That could work. It needs to be something really disgusting. Like with puss or boils so he doesn't want to try to sneak in to see me."

"What about mange?"

"Er, you know I'm not a dog like you, right Padfoot?"

"Oh right, sorry. How about Spattergroit? Oh wait that takes months to recover from. What about Dragon Pox?"

"Will's definitely going to notice that I'm not green, he's not color blind. I don't think," Remus sighed.

"Well we could paint you green. It'd be a fetching color on you. Very festive what with all the red and gold of Gryffindor."

"Why do I even talk to you?" Remus said, shaking his head.

Sirius put an arm around Remus, squeezing his shoulder. "Honestly, just make something up. Or I will. Although sounds like you're not too keen on my ideas."

"Wonder where you got that idea," Remus grumbled but smiled nevertheless. Sirius' arm over his shoulder and the warmth of his body next to his under the cover was just so perfectly comforting. He almost forgot why he was even having this conversation. All the anxiety of what to tell Will, of why it even mattered what Will thought, seemed to disappear with Sirius' presence. Remus found his eyelids drooping once again and he snuggled closer, letting sleep overtake him once again.

"Wow, you never oversleep this close to the full," James said to Remus as the two boys took their seats, catching the last five minutes of breakfast.

"Sorry," Remus yawned, scratching his messy hair, "Didn't sleep much last night."

"He just likes being in bed with me," Sirius said, wiggling his eyebrows. Remus tried not to blush. It was true though. Well both statements, but definitely the fact that sleep quite frequently eluded him the night before the full. Normally he felt so agitated, his skin itched and the restlessness of wishing to get his transformation over with made it almost impossible for him to sleep. But somehow he had managed. In Sirius' bed. With the other boy's arm tucked protectively around him until they had woken and realized how late they were.

"Right," James said, rolling his eyes, "Anyway…"

"Oh and canker sores," Remus said, turning to Sirius.

"What the hell is he on about?" said James.

"No idea," Sirius replied, raising an eyebrow to Remus.

"Er, you know. For the disease I should have?" Both boys gave him an odd look. "In case Will asks where I've been during my recovery since I'm supposed to see him...for Potions tutoring."

"Oh right! Wow what is it, sounds terrible?" Sirius asked.

"Just a muggle thing that sounds much worse than it is. Since it sounds so bloody awful I don't think he'll chance popping in on me."

"Brilliant," said Sirius, "We'll be sure to tell him how puss-filled and grotesque you've become, covered in cankers."

"Well...that's not how it...oh never mind," Remus gave in.

Luckily Remus' transformation during the full moon did not go nearly as horribly as in the past. Before the wolf could overtake his body, Remus filled his mind with thoughts of Sirius. How it felt to kiss him, touch him. The softness of his hair as it ran through his fingers. The warmth of his body against Remus' own as the fell asleep together in the dim light of early morning. Remus clung to those thoughts even as the last vestiges of his humanity escaped him, ripped away as his skin was torn from his body, bones growing and breaking into their canine form. Sirius told him it was one of the most fun experiences he could remember as Padfoot. The wolf and dog played together as never before. The competitive nature of his wolf was lessened, and for once Prongs was not even called upon to reign the snarling wolf back from hurting himself or others. Remus awoke with no new scars. He thought it a miracle.

Still, his body was battered and sore from the transformations themselves. It was no easy task to change from one form to the other and the fatigue of recovering his strength forced Remus into a two day hospital stint under Madam Pomfrey's care. He slept almost the entire time, awaking to new gifts of chocolate by his bedside left by his marauder friends.

On the last day Remus was allowed visitors, and though his friends had technically been visiting him all along, under the guise of James' invisibility cloak, they were finally able to be there for Remus without the fear of being caught. James paid him a short visit right before breakfast, making sure he was healing up and taking it easy before the boy had to dash to attempt to get a seat beside Lily. Remus dozed fitfully after, his body too tender even with the soft beds and pillows propping him up.

He awoke later to find Sirius laying next to him, a chocolate frog balanced on a book upon his stomach.

"Hey," said Remus, stretching his stiff body as Sirius looked over and smiled at him.

"You feeling better Moony?"

Remus nodded, testing his limbs and tilting his neck from side to side. "A bit. Still sore, but could be a lot worse. At least I didn't get any new...I mean, just glad I didn't hurt any of you is all." Remus fingered the charm under his nightshirt nervously. He hoped Sirius didn't think anything of his strange response.

"Nah. Luckily the wolf seems to love me, and even Prongs and Wormy were able to play with us a bit. Maybe your wolf's finally getting used to us. It's about time, I was always hoping we could turn the full into a fun time. Well...other than how much it hurts you innitially."

"Other than my bones breaking through my skin and my spine bowing over as I grow a muzzle and a bloody tail? Yep, fun," Remus said, but there was no malice to his words. His transformation was painful, but there was nothing he could do about it. If anyone understood, it would be Sirius, the only one of his friends he'd allowed to witness the full transformation from human to werewolf.

"Well, yeah," Sirius said, a bit meekly. "I know it's not the same, but if it's anything like when Mum performed the cruciatus curse on me…"

Remus cut him off. "Wait, when did this happen? Why didn't you tell me?" he practically shouted.

Sirius shrugged, trying to brush it off. "It was...around the time I left home. Good old mum didn't like some of the things she'd heard her pureblood friends say about me. Stuff she'd heard from their kids here. Decided it was high time I learn some respect. Don't worry, I passed out pretty damn quick. And when I came to, Reggie had distracted her long enough for me to bolt and get my ass to James' place before she could draw her wand on me again. It's in the past Remus, don't look so sad. I should never have brought it up."

Remus sat frozen, his mouth agape and his eyes wet with unshed tears. "Sirius, I...I wish you'd told me. I wish I could have been there for you."

"You are here for me Moony. Don't worry," Sirius said, wrapping an arm around the boy, "I didn't even tell James. I guess I felt kind of ashamed that I didn't want to defend myself against my mum. Not quite fitting for an Auror-to-be and all."

"Sirius…"

"Look, I didn't come here to worry you. So just...could we maybe drop it for now?"

Remus nodded after a moment, taking a deep breath and looking up to blink away the unshed tears. He couldn't stand the thought of anyone hurting Sirius. Especially not someone who was supposed to love him more than anything. It broke his heart just thinking about it, but he'd let it go for now. For Sirius.

"Oh, brought you this," Sirius said, handing Remus the chocolate frog. Normally Remus was not as keen on milk chocolate, but one couldn't be picky when he was stuck in a hospital bed. "It's from Will. He asked about you. James, stupid git, told him you had ankle sores. But don't worry, I corrected him. It was kankle sores, right?"

Remus failed to suppress a laugh. "Close enough. Thanks Padfoot."

"Of course. He seemed pretty worried, but James told him you'd be back soon. Oh and I brought you a book. It was one of the ones on your nightstand so I hope that's okay."

"Thanks," Remus said, yawning and not even looking at the book.

"Do you need me to go so you can get some rest?"

"Not unless you have to leave," Remus said, shuffling closer to Sirius' side, his mind too exhausted to worry about boundaries. The last thing he remembered before he drifted off was Sirius smiling down at him and long fingers gently raking through his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continued in Chapter 7, please review, it helps keep me motivated!
> 
> Hope you like their developing romance/Sirius not knowing WTH he wants!


	8. Hidden Scars 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continued from Chapter 6  
> All HP characters belong to J.K. Rowling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been over a week since I updated! Like the rest of the world, my life got overtaken by Pokemon Go! I'm up to level 22 now, gotta catch em all! Now back to all the Wolfstar!

The next afternoon Remus was finally released from Madame Pomfrey’s strict care and was allowed to attend the remainder of the day’s classes. Lily kept him company in Arithmancy, which none of the other Marauders took, but he was later reunited with them in History of Magic. Seeing as Professor Binns droned on something fierce, his monotone voice ringing off the high ceilings, the boys normally used this time to plan pranks, chat, or otherwise nap. James was definitely doing the former, and Remus was about to embark upon the latter when Sirius poked him with his quill.

“Damn it Padfoot, now there’s ink on my hand,” Remus mumbled, trying to wipe off the offending stain. 

“But Moony, I need to know what you want for Christmas,” the other boy said.

“Really? Right now, you have to know?”

“Well I mean, just...what do you want?”

“Other than for you to leave me alone to nap?”

“Moony…” Sirius whinned pathetically. 

“Also, less annoying friends would be nice,” Remus added. 

“Well then get rid of James and Wormy, I saw you first,” Sirius responded.

Remus received a second poke from his left, this time from Peter. 

“Damn it, what is it now? Bloody ink is everywhere…”

“Er, isn’t that Will?” Peter asked?

“Isn’t what Will?” Remus let out a deep sigh as he gave up on his second ink stain.

“Well, that bloke in the doorway who's been trying to grab your eye for the last five minutes?”

“What?” Remus said in a loud whisper, his eyes widening as he spun toward the door. Indeed, there was Will, doing a horrible job both at hiding and trying to get Remus’ attention.

“Bloody…” Remus ground his teeth. The last thing he wanted was anyone guessing at their relationship. And waiting by the door was horribly, obviously on the suspicious side. Remus attempted a smile and waved quickly at Will, hoping it would both appease the other boy and make him leave before anyone noticed. But Will only smiled and waved back. 

“Sirius,” Remus said between his teeth, “he’s not leaving.”

“I noticed,” Sirius said, making a point to glare at the door. After a moment, finally realizing that Remus was not going to come pay him a visit, Will apparently took the hint and mouthed either “See you after class,” or “Lee threw flatter glass,” and ducked out of the doorway.

“Think anyone noticed?” Remus whispered, turning back around and leaning toward Sirius who was pretending, once again, to be enraptured by Binn’s soliloquy. 

“Don’t think so,” Sirius replied, working on his farce of notes which was actually a drawing of an incredibly detailed Kelpie, which he had thusly covered in random polkadots. 

“He’s being so...clingy lately,” Remus sighed.

“Well, you did just get out of hospital. I bet he’s just checking up on you,” Sirius said, giving Remus a shrug and half smile. 

“Defending him now are we?” Remus said, and incredulous look on his face.

Sirius shrugged again. “Well, I know how worried I get about you, so him feeling all--you know--about you would only make it worse right?”

“I guess,” Remus conceded.

“You sound…” Sirius started then shook his head.

“I know. I’ll cut him some slack.”

Sirius nodded and Remus grabbed his parchment and began helping him fill in the spots on his ostentatious kelpie. 

As class drew to a close and the students filed out, Remus grabbed his books and made his way toward the door, Sirius at his side talking animately about how much he couldn’t wait for his first Christmas away from his horrid family. 

“...and the Potters said we could both come, if you want, and they’ll make supper and pudding and we’ll have stockings and a tree and…”

“Oh, give me a moment will you?” Remus drew up as he saw Will standing on the outside of the History of Magic doorway. 

“Er, yeah of course Moony,” Sirius said, glancing about before leaning against a wall opposite them as their classmates milled past. 

“Hey, you’re looking well,” Will said, his bright smile making it difficult for Remus to be annoyed that he almost got them both into trouble earlier. 

“Yeah, never better,” Remus replied, “Thanks for the chocolate frog.”

“Sirius said I couldn’t visit, but thought I’d give you something to get well.”

Remus smiled. “Look, you probably shouldn’t…”

“Do you want to meet up later?” Will interrupted, biting his lower lip. 

“What? Er, yeah sure.”

“I mean, I know you’re probably not feeling well...but I’ve really missed you.”

Remus was both touched and a bit annoyed by the sentiment and wasn’t sure how to reconcile his feelings. 

“No, don’t worry. Really, I’m fine.”

“Great, let’s meet where we did last time, say around nine?”

“Sure, sorry I’ve got a lot of work to catch up on, but I’ll see you then yeah?”

Will grinned and leaned in to hug him but Remus backed away self consciously, causing Will’s smile to waver. He settled for a pat on the shoulder. 

“Right, see you then,” the other boy said, making off toward the Ravenclaw common room.

Sirius peeled himself from the far wall, made his way over to his friend and placed an arm around Remus’ shoulder as they began to make their way toward Gryffindor. 

“Er, Moony, you alright?”

“I don’t know, maybe I’m just still tired after the full,” Remus said softly. If he was honest with himself, he knew what he wanted. But he also knew he couldn’t exactly have that. If Sirius could snog him senseless but not say another word about it, then the other boy would definitely not be reciprocal to his unrequited feelings. Will, at least, could requite said feelings, even though they were not nearly as intense as those he harbored for Sirius. And Will was a great bloke. It wasn’t like he was settling--really. 

“I can hear you thinking,” Sirius joked, nudging Remus with his shoulder.

“And I can hear you not thinking,” Remus laughed as Sirius pretended to look hurt. 

“I’ll have you know, I have lots of thoughts! There’s those on pranks, snogging--obviously, Christmas, how merpeople shag, what to say to convince Dumbledore to let me have a pet Hippogriff…”

“Right right, your mind’s overflowing with genius.”

“I’m so glad you appreciate my brilliance Moony.”

 

Remus spend the rest of the day thinking about doing his missed assignments, pulling out those assignments, and then getting distracted from said assignments. He would like to blame these interruptions on his marauder friends, who were being none-too quiet as they attempted to plan yet another Christmas prank. But really, Remus could study through anything after nearly seven years of their rather boisterous antics. No, his distraction came from attempting to reconcile his thoughts on what to do about his relationship with Will. 

As nine o’clock drew closer, Remus was no closer to an answer than he had been before he started not actually doing his homework. With a sigh Remus parted his bed curtains, glancing about to find Peter snoring in bed and that James and Sirius had kipped off somewhere, possibly in search of necessary ingredients to their latest prank. At least this way he didn’t have to explain where he was sneaking off to, Remus thought.

Closing the door quietly behind him, so as not to accidentally awaken Peter, Remus crept down the stairs and out the common room door. He pulled out his wand, casting a faint lumos charm to find his way but not draw attention to himself as he snuck around, taking stairs and hallways where he hoped Filch would not be searching for students out of bed such as himself. After taking two wrong turns and ending up in a dead end and a hallway where the castle ghosts were apparently doing things that Remus wished to unsee from his poor virgin eyes, he finally rounded a turn toward a row of disused classrooms that he and Will had previously been meeting at. 

Remus pushed open the creaky old door as quietly as he could before shutting it behind him. Even though it was only now turning nine o’clock, Will had arrived early and was sitting on an old desk, kicking his legs, a grin forming on his lips as Remus entered. The other boy jumped from the desk and walked toward Remus, wrapping his arms around his waist and kissing his forehead softly.

“I missed you,” Will whispered, and, despite his earlier resolve, Remus forgot all his worries and misgivings as he was pulled into a deep kiss. All thoughts of his annoyance with Will’s clinginess, his fears of being discovered, all of it faded away as the other boy brought a hand up to the nape of Remus neck, pulling him in close, the warmth of his mouth like a powerful beacon he could focus upon. Even Sirius faded to a distant, nagging thought, one which if he tried hard enough Remus knew he could push away entirely if he really wanted to. If. 

“I can hear you thinking,” Will said, causing a bark of laughter to escape Remus as the boy exactly quoted Sirius’ earlier assessment.

“Sorry,” Remus said, pulling back, slightly breathless. “It’s just been a long week.”

“Mmm,” Will said, nuzzling his neck.

After a minute of this Remus was back to thinking and frankly had become slightly bored as he began to figure out which of his assignments he should prioritize when he got back to the dorm.

“Remus, you’re a million miles away. What’s bothering you really?” Will said, leaning his forehead against Remus’. 

“Sorry,” Remus repeated, “I guess...I don’t know. I’ve never done this whole relationship thing before and maybe I’m just overthinking things.”

“What’s there to think about?” Will said, licking Remus’ ear. “I like you, you like me. We can just have fun. If we both want more, we can talk about that. But why can’t two blokes who fancy one another just enjoy themselves?”

Will was right and Remus knew it. He was talking this much too serious. Which just made him wish that all these experiences could actually be with Sirius. Remus sighed, which Will mistakenly took for acquiescence. 

“Just let me distract you from all those thoughts, yeah?”  
Remus nodded as Will began to kiss down his neck, fingers tracing along Remus’ lower back before boldly grabbing his ass. Remus jumped but then the other boy began to suck hard below his ear and Remus simply turned to jelly in his hands. It felt so incredibly to be wanted, to be thought of as attractive to another boy. Remus didn’t even care as Will’s tongue traced along one of the hidden scars along his curve of his neck, arching up into the touch and threading his fingers into Will’s spiky hair as a lifeline. 

Will looked up at Remus with eyes filled with pure lust, small noises of pleasure in his throat revealing his need. Remus felt deft fingers pulling at the buttons of his shirt, opening it to his chest before Will dipped his head, his mouth sucking and lightly biting along his collarbone and down his neck. Remus could not hold back a small moan, a sound that encouraged Will to continue his ministrations with great fervor. Small kisses made their way down Remus’ chest, and soon Will was peeling back his shirt to expose more of the pale expanse of skin. 

Will reached a hand along Remus’ neck, his touch hot as long fingers found the collar of his shirt and pulled it back, causing the fabric to fall and pool around his elbows. Remus heard a snap of threads, but given how lost he was in the feel of the other boy’s tongue against his sensitive skin, he gave little thought to the disrepair of his wardrobe. A warm wet tongue traced down his chest, causing Remus to shiver, his sensitivity heightened as goosebumps broke out along his pale flesh. 

A gasp from Will brough Remus back from his own thoughts and he opened his eyes to look down at Will. The other boy had stopped his trail of kisses, his head stilled in front of Remus’ chest with Remus’ fingers still tightly wrapped in his dark hair. Then the other boy pulled back and Remus frowned upon seeing the look of shock and fear upon Will’s flushed visage. He dropped his hand as Will withdrew further and was just about to ask the other boy what was troubling him when he looked down at his own chest.

Scars. His chest was covered in them. A horrible maze of pink raised edges and small white lines that would forever mar him. Remus put a hand to his neck, searching out his charm until he remembered the snap he had heard mere moments ago. Will must have broken it, pulled it away along with his shirt. And now everything was revealed. Everything he had sought so hard to hide, put on display like the freak he knew he was. 

Remus opened his mouth, thinking to say something--anything--when his gaze met Will’s. His expression flitted from confusion to outright fear so quickly that Remus didn’t know what to address first. The other boy stared in horror, first at Remus’ marred chest and then at his face, blue eyes wide with fright tracing the angry white lines that slashed it in two. 

Reaching out a hand, Remus meant to quell the other boy’s fears, to explain why he hid himself away, but Will only emitted a small gasp as he backed up further.

“What happened...your skin…” Will murmured to himself, wide eyes flitting around before finding Remus’ own.

“Please Will, just let me explain,” started Remus, wondering what he could possibly say to quell the other boys’ fears.

“But those scars,” Will’s shaking voice accused, “I know what they are. What you are.”

“Will…”

“I’ve seen them before, with my father, at the Ministry. When a werewolf came in to register.”

Remus’ heart hammered in his chest. His secret, that which he’d guarded so carefully, found out in an instant. And he had no idea what to do.

“Will, please, let me explain,” Remus said once more, his voice breaking as he held back the tears that were beginning to overwhelm him.

“I just can’t believe...I let a werewolf kiss me,” Will finished, wiping his mouth and shaking his head. “I can’t believe you led me on.”

“Will…” Remus began again, but had no idea how to continue, the words catching in his throat. He felt so lost, so broken that he simply slumped down against the desk. “I never meant to lie to you. You must know why I hid, why I couldn’t show my true self to anyone. But you know me. I’m still the same, nothing has changed. Please, please believe me.” When the other boy didn’t say a word Remus thought of the only other thing he could possibly say. “I’m so sorry.”

Will furrowed his brow and shook his head. “Don’t. You don’t get to trick me and then ask for my pity. I don’t know who you are anymore,” he said, turning on one heel and rushing out the door. 

There was nothing Remus could do, nothing he could say to Will to make him stay, so he simply watched him leave. With a deep sigh he slid to the ground, his throat tight with unshed tears as he looked up into the darkened ceiling of the classroom. Sirius had said there would be people who wouldn’t fear him, who wouldn’t be repulsed by his scars. Not that Remus had believed him, but he had hoped. Will had seemed so kind, so progressive in his thinking. But of course once he saw Remus’s scars, put two and two together in his head and realized what he was, there was no way he’d want to stick around. Remus really couldn’t fault him for that, though it hurt nevertheless. 

Remus reached up, his thin fingers tracing the angry lines that crossed his face, reliving the horrible moment he had awakened to the searing pain he had inflicted upon himself. This was nothing like that pain. Though he hurt internally, no one could see his scars. No one save Sirius even knew he had feelings for Will. And this would heal in time, unlike his ruined face. As long as Will told no one, but it was not as if he could possibly stop him. Remus was at a loss, so broken and confused, he only knew he needed one thing now for sure. 

And what he needed was Sirius. He needed his friend.

Grasping his wand, Remus used it to recall his fallen charm, feeling the familiar weight of it as he once again hung it around his neck and watched the scars on his ruined chest disappear. Fixing his rumpled shirt the best he could and pulling closed his robes, Remus took in a deep breath before getting to his feet and letting himself out of the room.

The walk back to the common room seemed to take both ages and yet be over in mere seconds. His thoughts swarmed with anxiety and trepidation, wondering what he could say to his friend, what he should keep hidden and what he needed desperately to share. The room was fairly empty as Remus let himself in through the portrait, and no one paid Remus any mind as he climbed the stairs to his dorm, hoping and yet also afraid that Sirius might be there. 

The hinges squeaked quietly as Remus let himself in, his eyes darting to the empty beds of both Peter and James before settling on the closed curtains of Sirius’ own. 

“Moony?” came a soft word as Sirius opened his bed curtains, causing Remus to sigh internally. This was what he wanted, what he needed.

“Padfoot,” Remus said, sitting down on the other boy’s bed, not quite ready to meet his eyes.

“Hey, is everything alright?” Sirius asked, ducking his head so Remus was forced to meet his probing gaze.

Remus simply shook his head. He was tired of lying. Of pretending. Of all of it.

“Moony, talk to me,” Sirius said, closing the bed curtains around them and casting a quick silencing charm.

“I...I did something stupid,” Remus started.

“Well that’s a first,” Sirius said, attempting to lighten the mood but Remus couldn’t even find it in himself to smile.

“So...so I...,” Remus started, but this was so much more difficult than he’d imagined. He had to reveal it all, everything he had spent his life hiding, and he had no idea what Sirius would think of him, if he’d even wish to remain friends after he’d seen his horrible scars.

“What?” Sirius prodded, wrapping a protective arm around his shoulder.

“Well, Will and I...we were in a classroom...snogging...”

“So you kissed him?” Sirius asked, his brow furrowing.

“Yeah,” Remus sighed.

“Oh,” Sirius said, running a hand through his hair and looking at the ceiling. “And?”

“And...Sirius, he found out I’m a werewolf,” Remus said, the words bursting forth, causing Sirius to pull back.

“Wait, what?” the dark haired boy asked in confusion, “I don’t understand. Moony, how could he tell? It’s...that makes no sense!”

“Will...he...he found out because he saw my scars,” Remus said all in one breath. His eyes darted to Sirius as his pulse quickened. There it was, out on the table. 

Sirius’ brow knotted in confusion. “What scars Moony? You’re not making any sense.”

Remus took a deep breath. This was it, no turning back. He undid the top couple buttons of his shirt and pulled out his necklace, bracing for the moment that the same look of disgust Will had displayed to now be reflected upon his best friend’s face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued in Chapter 8
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! Comments/critique are much appreciated so I can improve!


	9. Hidden Scars 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Sirius accept Remus, scars and all?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continued from Chapter 7  
> All Harry Potter characters belong to J.K. Rowling

“What are you doing Moony?”

 

“I can’t keep this secret any longer. I need you to see,” Remus said. And, letting out a deep breath, Remus pulled his necklace over his head and waited for Sirius’ reaction. Here he was, about to show his best friend his darkest secret. It was such a relief, and yet he was so afraid. What if Sirius was disgusted, repulsed by him? Remus couldn’t bear to look up, to meet his friends’ eyes, to see every possible horrible scenario he’d imagined play itself out in front of him? 

 

When nothing happened, Remus chewed his lower lip in confusion but still could not bring himself to meet the other boy’s gaze. There was no hiss of horror, no gasp of fear, not even an “aww” of pity. Sirius was simply silent.

 

Then Remus felt a feather-light touch against his chin, drawing his face up to meet Sirius’s eyes. With stilted breath Remus met that gaze and then let out a gasp. There were unshed tears in his friend's’ eyes, but not an ounce of anything akin to the anger and animosity that had shown upon Will’s face mere minutes before. Sirius’s thumb, where it still rest upon his chin, lightly swept against the scar tissue along his jawline, making Remus cringe and attempt to draw back. But Sirius held him in place with a firm hand.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sirius whispered, furrowing his brow as his gaze swept from Remus’ chest back up to his face. 

 

“I...I couldn’t. I thought...I thought you’d be disgusted by me. Or afraid of me. Or...or leave me,” Remus said softly, biting his lower lip and looking away. 

 

“Remus, I...I could never…” Sirius began, pulling Remus’s eyes back to his own. There was so much emotion in them, so many thoughts that Remus could not read yet longed to understand. Was he still accepted? Would Sirius still be his friend even now knowing the truth?

 

A moment later all questions were answered as Sirius pulled Remus into his arms, engulfing him in the warmest embrace. Remus clung tightly to Sirius, his arms clamped around the other boy’s back as his head rested against his shoulder. A hand came up to stroke Remus’ hair and Sirius soothed him and simply held him for as long as Remus needed, not saying a single word. Remus had never felt so safe, so secure as he did in Sirius’s arms. 

 

When he was finally emotionally stable enough to look his friend in the eye again, Remus pulled back to see Sirius’ concerned expression settling on him once again.

 

“I’ve seen your wounds, after the full moon. When you scratch and bite yourself with no one else to harm. I just...I thought they healed. I thought they were gone,” Sirius said sadly, rubbing his thumb along a jagged mark upon Remus’ arm. “I’m so glad you finally told me.”

 

“I’m just so tired of hiding,” Remus whispered before reaching to loop his charm back around his neck. But a gentle hand stopped him, stilling his arm before Remus could once again conceal his scars. 

 

“Then don’t,” Sirius said softly, letting go of Remus only once he was sure the other boy wasn’t about to hide once again. With one hand he reached out, sweeping a stray hair from Remus’ face and tucking it behind his ear. “Nothing about you could ever make me leave you.”

 

Remus smiled and gave a sad sigh. If only that were true. If only he felt as free to share his feelings for Sirius as he was able to reveal his scars. 

 

“So…” Sirius began, “I’m guessing this is how Will found out?” Sirius held the charm on Remus’ necklace reverently, turning it over in his hand. 

 

“Yeah, it’s charmed to hide my scars as long as it’s touching my skin. But it broke,” Remus explained, “And he said he knew what my scars were from, that he’d seen them before.”

 

Sirius nodded before placing the charm back in Remus’ palm. “And...was he afraid?”

 

Remus took a moment, not wishing to relive the ugly words and look of abject horror upon the other boy’s face. 

 

“Yeah, afraid. Angry. Disgusted. He said I led him on. And that...that he couldn’t believe he’d kissed me,” Remus finished quietly. 

 

Sirius’ mouth was set in a firm line, his jaw working as he clenched his teeth. “And? Do you think he’ll tell?”

 

“I...I really couldn't say. I don’t think he would, but with how mad he is at me…” Remus drifted off, the hopelessness of the situation overwhelming him.

 

Sirius simply nodded before grabbing Remus once more, enfolding him in a tight but brief hug. 

 

“Why don’t you go get ready for bed?” he suggested, squeezing Remus shoulder before getting up, “I’ll be back in a few.”

 

“Sirius no, what…”

 

“Remus just...just go get ready, okay?”

 

Remus gave in and nodded up at Sirius. “Don’t do anything stupid, okay?”

 

“No promises there,” Sirius replied with a wink and sauntered out of the room.

 

Sirius quickly made his way through the castle, anxious to finish this and be back with Remus as soon as possible. The other boy needed him now, but it was even more important that he do this, that he kept his friend safe. 

 

Once at the Ravenclaw portrait, though, Sirius was uncertain what to do next. A rather pompous wizard with a large nose looked down at him and sneered, blocking his way.

 

“Say, can you let me in?” Sirius tried, doing his best to maintain an innocent expression. 

 

“Ha!” the portrait replied, “No chance Black. Such a trouble maker, I’d never let you in!”

 

“Er, well then sir, could you perhaps get a message to Will? He’s one of your…”

 

“You think I don’t know my own house?” the portrait yelled, his words bouncing off the stone walls of the deserted corridor, causing Sirius to cringe. 

 

“No no, I didn’t mean to insult you. It’s just very very important that I speak with him. Sir,” Sirius added for good measure. 

 

“Well he’s not in at the moment, I’ll have you know,” the portrait replied, “but if you promise to leave I’ll tell you where he is.”

 

Sirius nodded so the portrait continued. “I heard from that ghastly portrait of Quan Tum that he was spotted in an alcove near the stairs to the astronomy tower. Now leave me be!”

 

“Thank you. Er, sir,” Sirius said before dashing along the deserted hallway in search of the other boy. 

 

It was much easier to navigate the halls with no other students milling around, so Sirius quickly found himself in sight of the stairs and slowed his pace, checking each darkened alcove. Upon peaking in the second to last, Sirius looked down to find Will, his back against the wall, arms wrapped around his knees, apparently deep in thought. Sirius cleared his throat and instantly Will’s eyes rose and focused upon him, wide and taken aback. Within a moment though his expression softened and he let out a sigh.

 

“Oh, it’s you,” Will said, pushing himself up the wall to a standing position.

 

“Expecting someone else?” Sirius said roughly.

 

Will shook his head and let out a deep breath. “Look, it’s been a horrid night, so I’d appreciate…”

 

“And I’d appreciate if you didn’t insult my friend,” Sirius interrupted, placing a hand on the wall beside Will’s face, leaning in close.

 

“What? Look, I...I was just surprised is all. I...I probably shouldn’t have said some of those things,” Will trailed off, “but he lied to me. It hurt.”

 

Sirius stayed put, his eyes intently trained on Will’s own, causing the other boy to shrink slightly.

 

“And now you’ve hurt him. Bravo. Do you know why he hides his scars? Because of pricks like you. Judging him. Insulting him. Do you even know how he got those scars?”

 

Will swallowed and shook his head.

 

“He gets them every month...every damn month when he chains himself up, so he doesn’t hurt anyone. And the wolf inside him, it gets so angry, it decides to take it out on Remus, to tear him up instead. And he endures it. And hides it. To keep everyone else safe. You do not get to judge him.” 

 

“I...I didn’t know,” Will whispered.

 

“Well now you do. So what are you going to do about it? Are you going to tell?” Sirius asked, cocking his head to the side.

 

“What? No, I...I’d never do that to him.”

 

“He’d lose everything, you know. He’d be banned from school, he’d have to leave all this behind. Be an outcast. Do you want that for him?”

 

Will shook his head. “I won’t do that to him. Really. I promise.”

 

“Good,” Sirius said, backing away. 

 

“Wait,” Will said, catching Sirius off guard, “Look, I know it’s not my place anymore, but you really need to stop leading Remus on.”

 

“What?” Sirius raised an eyebrow at Will.

 

“You know, I mean, you’re the reason he wasn’t sure if he wanted to continue being with me. I don’t think you know how much he loves you. So seriously, you need to stop giving him false hope.”

 

Sirius’s eyes widened momentarily before he schooled his expression once more. “You’re damn right it’s none of your business. So stay out of it.”

 

With that he turned on his heel, leaving the other boy behind. His thoughts raced quicker than his feet as Sirius made his way back. Back to Remus. Who loved him.

 

Shit, Sirius thought, that was the last thing he’d expected to hear. Of course he knew Remus cared for him, hell the other boy would do anything for him. But love? Sirius raked his hand across his face and through his hair. How could Remus--perfect, sweet, beautiful, intelligent Remus--be in love him? When they had kissed, it had been so one-sided. Sirius had done all the prompting, all the prodding, curious to see what it would be like to kiss the other boy. And it had been amazing. So amazing, in fact, that it had been incredibly difficult to get it out of his head. But Remus hadn’t asked for it. Could Will be lying? But what could the boy possibly have to gain from that? Sirius let out a groan of frustration. This was becoming much too confusing.

 

Remus was his closest friend. But Sirius knew something had been different recently. When he’d seen Remus with Will, such a rage of jealousy had enveloped him, he was surprised he’d been able to reign it in before snatching Remus back from that bastard’s arms. But he knew his feelings had begun even before that. He hadn’t wanted to date in...he couldn’t remember how long. No one had ever been able to hold his interest, save Remus. Remus, who loved him back. Remus, his best friend, who he couldn’t bear to lose. Could he risk their friendship, put it all on the line and just hope against all hope that there could be something more between them? Was it worth it? 

 

And, his brain prompted, could he date a bloke? He’d never thought of it before. Never been attracted to another boy. Never wished to kiss or do more with someone of the same sex. It just seemed too foreign a concept for him. Not that he had any problem with Remus being a shirt lifter, but him? Yeah, kissing Remus had felt incredible, so natural. But it was kissing, all the mechanics were the same between kissing a girl and a boy. It was thinking beyond that that worried Sirius. Could he find a bloke attractive? Want to see him naked? Want to touch his… Sirius shook his head. He could figure that out later, right?

Sirius slowed his pace, hoping that by the time he made it back to Remus he would have some answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued in Chapter 9, the last chapter!  
> I'm thinking of writing an extra chapter after of some sexy Wolfstar, but only if ppl are interested, so let me know!  
> Comments welcome, they inspire me <3


	10. Hidden Scars 9 (end)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After finally revealing his scars to Sirius, Remus tries to figure out what the other boy's reaction could mean for their friendship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter of Hidden Scars, hope you enjoy!   
> All HP Characters belong to J.K. Rowling  
> Continued from Chapter 8

Remus slumped his shoulders the moment Sirius left the room. Emotionally drained did not begin to cover how exhausted he felt after tonight, after all the revelations he’d been through. He’d never felt so vulnerable, not even when he was naked and wounded after a full moon. But just like he was then, Sirius was here for him, caring for him, making him feel whole and human. Something he rarely felt without the other boy around to reassure him. 

And he knew exactly where Sirius was off to. Sirius always protected him. He just hoped that Sirius didn’t threaten Will. Though the other boy had said some incredibly hurtful things to him, he’d never wish ill upon Will. He understood the fear and disgust that had gripped Will all too well, for he saw it upon his own face every time he looked upon his own scars. That Sirius had not shown such revulsion...now that was interesting. Remus wondered if it was simply Sirius being a dutiful best friend, or if perhaps he was just too shocked to react. 

Remus fingered the charm before placing it back around his neck. Hiding was his life. That wouldn’t stop simply because Sirius now knew another of his many secrets. He still had no idea how James and Peter would act, and seeing as they were roommates, he didn’t wish to frighten them should either burst in unexpectedly.

Deciding to follow Sirius’ advise, Remus pushed himself up from the bed and made his way into the shared bathroom to brush his teeth. His reflection stared back at him from the mirror above the sink, skin perfect, not a scar to be seen, his sandy blond hair and ordinary features lending him a look he’d always considered to be quite uninteresting. What Will had possibly seen in him was completely beyond Remus. He splashed cold water on his face, feeling the long gashes beneath his fingers that were hidden from sight as he scrubbed his skin. Wouldn’t have lasted long anyway. 

At least this way things were over and done with before either boy got too attached, he rationalized after patting his face dry and grabbing his toothbrush. If he’d had to hear those words--those incredibly hateful words--uttered from Will’s mouth after he’d begun to like him more, or even love him, Remus knew he’d be devastated. Not that this wasn’t devastating enough. But at least his stupid unrequited crush on Sirius had been good for something, finally. It had kept Remus from getting caught up in yet another relationship that could never be. 

After quickly finishing his nightly routine, Remus quietly made his way back into the room, peering around to find James still absent and Peter snoring away. Shaking his head, Remus continued on until he came to the foot of his bed. He frowned down at it. The covers were perfectly folded, the comforter free of crumbs, parchment, and pranking oddities. It was so empty. Remus’ eyes darted over to Sirius’ rumpled covers. Would the other boy mind? He hoped not. 

Taking a deep breath, Remus took the three steps toward Sirius’ bed and crawled in, pushing a random quill from beneath his elbow and setting his wand on the nightstand. Here he was. Alone with his thoughts, in Sirius’ bed. Even with all the terrible revelations of the night, that was all Remus could think about. Snuggling under the covers, Remus hoped that Sirius would return soon. And not have hexed Will...too badly.

Remus sighed. If Sirius couldn’t talk some sense into Will tonight, he himself certainly would try again tomorrow. He didn’t know what would happen if his secret got out. At the very least he’d be expelled--no parents would want their children attending school with a monster. He’d probably lose the few friends he had. But he’d have Sirius at least. He hoped. The lack of fear and disgust in Sirius’ stormy grey eyes when he’d revealed his scars was no small thing, especially coming from someone who prized looks so highly. He swore sometimes Sirius took more time getting ready than a bloody girl. But that fact that Sirius had not shied away, not gasped in shock, but instead actually touched his most hated scar… Remus felt accepted, completely and utterly accepted.

Still lost in thought, Remus jumped slightly when the door opened and Sirius appeared, making his way to his own bed. 

“Made yourself at home I see?” Sirius chuckled, flopping down on the covers next to Remus.

“I hoped you wouldn’t mind.”

“Not at all.”

“So…” Remus started, “Did you find Will?”

“Yep, and don’t worry, he’s still breathing. Although after what he said to you…”

“Padfoot,” Remus tried to calm his friend, “What did he...how was he?”

Sirius made an exasperated noise in his throat. “Only you would be that concerned over someone who hurt you. He’s fine. Said he wouldn’t tell. Probably a good idea to keep some distance from him though, just in case.”

“Er, of course. Thanks Sirius.”

“Well can’t have you getting kicked out of school or anything, who would I get to help me with my Muggle Studies homework?” Sirius explained with a smile.

“I really do owe you one. And thanks for...you know, not being disgusted when you saw my…” Remus couldn’t finish.

Sirius shook his head and put an arm around Remus. “You’ve kept it a secret so long, I don’t think you realize how little a difference it makes to me. To any of us, I’m sure. You’re still Moony.”

“I just feel...I mean I’ve never thought of myself as attractive, but...well who would want me with all the scars? Not exactly a confidence booster when the first bloke I show runs off calling me a monster.”

Sirius winced and pulled Remus closer. “Don’t ever think of yourself like that. He’s an arse, a complete utter wanker. He should be so lucky if you ever speak to him again.”

Remus shifted his shoulders to get more comfortable, fingering his charm unconsciously.

“You’re still wearing it,” Sirius stated. 

Remus shrugged. “I don’t like looking in the mirror without it. And I definitely don’t want you seeing all my scars.”

 

“I thought I told you it doesn’t matter?” Sirius sighed defeatedly. 

“It matters to me.”

“Remus…”

“Can’t you just...I don’t know, forget you know about them?” Remus sighed.

“But...they’re part of you.”

“So?” said Remus, “Can’t you think of my charm like...like an article of clothing? It’s just covering up bits of me that everyone would rather not see.”

Sirius laughed. “Alright, alright I get it. But around me, I really want you to just be you. Scars and all. So when it’s just us, can’t you take it off?”

Remus thought for a moment. He really did not understand Sirius at all. Why would the other boy want to see him in all his hideous glory? It made no sense to him. But then again, he’d hate for Sirius to hide something about himself from him. 

“Alright,” Remus said after a long pause. “But only when no one’s around. Not even James or Peter. And don’t stare alright? Or I’m putting it back on and that’s it.”

Sirius raised a hand. “On my honor,” he said cheekily.

“Like you have any honor,” Remus mumbled as he looked down to grasp the charm and slide it over his neck. He placed it on the pillow beside him, within easy reach, before slowly turning up toward Sirius, steadying himself with a deep breath. 

Sirius was smiling at him, looking him in the eye. Not at his scars. As if they didn’t even exist. Remus let out a breath he hadn’t even known he’d been holding as Sirius pulled him back against his shoulder. 

Remus smiled and both boys were quiet for a moment.

“You didn’t...you know, love him or anything right?” Sirius asked tentatively. 

“Will? No,” Remus replied. “Nothing like that. He was just a bit of fun. Doesn’t make it hurt less though.”

Sirius nodded. “So...he said something else I thought you should know,” Remus raised an eyebrow so Sirius continued, “Will said that I need to stop...that I was ‘leading you on.’”

Remus eyes grew wide and he leaned away.

“Do you...do you think I’m doing that? Leading you on?” Sirius was biting his thumbnail and couldn’t seem to look Remus in the eye.

It took a minute for Remus to remember that Sirius expected an answer to his question.

“Er, well no. I mean, you’re kind of a flirt, but that’s just you. You flirt with everyone. I, you know, don’t think it means anything when it’s directed at me. Will must’ve been confused is all.”

Sirius stopped looking down at the covers to finally meet Remus’ eyes. “Would you like it to mean something?”

Remus swore his heart stopped beating. What did Sirius mean? Was he offering…?

After a long thirty seconds of silence Remus realized this must be a hoax. Some elaborate prank, thought it didn’t feel the least bit funny. Nevertheless, Remus bit out a short laugh. 

“Why are you…” Sirius sputtered. “This isn’t funny!”

“No, it isn’t. Sorry Padfoot, I don’t understand this prank,” Remus replied.

“What? It’s not a prank! Moony, I just...oh nevermind,” Sirius said, and only as the boy turned to climb out of bed did Remus realize the other boy was blushing. Quickly he reached out, grabbing Sirius’ wrist before he could leave entirely.

“Wait, Sirius. Stop for a second. Just...just tell me what you meant by that.”

“I meant what I meant, okay?” Sirius said, running a hand through his hair in exasperation. 

“Okay...just, bear with me a second,” Remus said biting his lip. “So, you now like blokes?”

“What? No!”

“Well now I’m really confused cause I thought you were propositioning me. And I’m a bloke so…”

“I don’t...not all blokes. Just you alright?”

“Oh,” said Remus, his eyes widening.

‘Ugg,” Sirius threw his head back in frustration. “Why are you making me spell out my feelings like a bloody girl?”

“Sorry I just...don’t want to misunderstand. So you want to, what? Snog me? Date me? Sha…”

“Look I don’t know okay? I’m new to this and I don’t quite get it myself. I just don’t want you with bloody Will and I liked snogging you but I don’t know about the rest cause it kind of terrifies me and excites me at the same time so can we just…”

“Alright alright Padfoot, slow down,” Remus said, grabbing Sirus around the shoulder and pulling him close. 

“How about we just start with this,” Remus said after a minute, wrapping his arms tightly around the other boy when Sirius finally relaxed and snuggled close. 

“Just...just like this?” Sirius asked, tilting his head to look at Remus.

Remus bent his head, leaning in slowly. If Sirius didn’t want this...but he did. The other boy closed the gap before he could, pressing soft warm lips to his own, arching his neck into the kiss.

Pulling away before the kiss turned into something more, something he wasn’t sure either of them could emotionally handle at the moment, Remus leaned his forehead against Sirius’, looking into his soft grey eyes.

“And all the snogging of course,” Remus smiled.

“Well obviously,” Sirius agreed. 

...ooO0Ooo…  
End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading my first Wolfstar fanfic, I hope you enjoyed it! Thank you for leaving such lovely compliments as well! I’m going to write an ‘afterwards’ for this too, cause I love fluff but I wanted something more sexy between them as well, so please follow me so you can read that too <3 Yume


	11. Sextra Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little sextra I wrote to finish out this fic! Though they're 17, that's the age of consent/adulthood in the UK. Hope you like it!

 

“Goodnight!”

 

“Happy New Year!”

 

“Don’t let Padfoot shed all over your bed!” James called right before he, Lily and Peter stepped into the fireplace and disapparated away.  

 

The four Marauders and new honorary Marauder girl had spent the evening at the Lupin house celebrating the last New Year’s Eve of their youth while Remus’ mum was away with family.  There was nothing like drinking firewhiskey, eating leftover holiday treats and playing magical games to pass from the old year to the new.  Remus taught them all how to transfigure pillows into McGonagall’s cat form, a contest which of course Lily won.  Somehow Peter’s looked uncannily like a cat jello mold, translucidity and all, and Sirius had “accidently” transfigured his into a werewolf plush, causing Remus to blush and then subsequently disqualify him.  James had brought over a tonic that changed all their voices to celebrities so they spent hours guessing at one another’s bad impressions.

 

“Think we should chaperone Potter to make sure he doesn't get into the knickers of poor unsuspecting Lily?” Sirius said, taking another swig from the whiskey bottle.

 

“Don’t put images like that in my head you halfbreed,” Remus chuckled, falling back on the couch.

 

“Oh, still doing your Cher impression?” Sirius said as Remus put a hand to his throat.  

 

“What?  Wait, is my voice not back to normal yet?” he said, testing the sound of it.

 

“Haha, no that’s just one of her songs, ‘Half-breed.’”

 

 

“Well how am I supposed to know that?  You’re the one who's got the taste for muggle music,” Remus said, relaxing into the cushions.

 

“I have a taste for many things,” Sirius insinuated smugly, resting his knees on either sides of Remus’s legs on the couch.  

 

“Oh.  Hi,” Remus said, looking up at Sirius, a slight blush coloring his cheeks.  

 

It’d been about three weeks since he and Sirius had confessed their feelings after a horrible night of revelations, yet Sirius had stuck by his side, made him feel wanted and needed and never like the monster he thought himself to be.  After a week the other boy had even grabbed Remus’ hand during breakfast, pulled him onto the Gryffindor table, snogged him quickly and yelled out, “If any of you have a problem with this, my boyfriend will hex your balls off.”  Well, Remus was the best at hexes.  

 

Since then Remus had been strangely happy.  He’d always been complacent, content even at times, but this beautiful thing that was being completely utterly happy, was both new and wonderful.  He basked in it, allowed Sirius to fill him with joy and --for now-- kept at bay the horrible nagging voice in his head that warned that he didn’t deserve this.

 

“Hey,” Sirius said softly back, stroking his thumb and forefinger along Remus’ jawline before tracing down to his neck.  Remus arched into the touch, luxuriating in those long fingers lighting up his senses.  “May I?” Sirius asked, pulling slightly at Remus’ necklace, the one that housed the charm to cover up his multitude of scars.

 

And this was new to Remus as well.  Finally finding someone he could be himself around, to not fear rejection and disgust at his disfigurement.  Someone who accepted him.  Remus nodded as Sirius pulled the pendant over his head, looking down at his hands as suddenly tiny white lines of scar tissue became visible.  He knew what Sirius must see as well.  The bite mark that marred his neck, his first present from Greyback that forever cursed him.  The two long lines across his face that disgusted Remus so, but that Sirius never gave a second glance.  The other man only held his eyes with his own and smiled.  

 

“I’m glad the others are gone, it’s been torture waiting all night to kiss you,” Sirius whispered and Remus shivered.  He felt the same, yet was still shocked and pleasantly surprised when Sirius voiced his own thoughts, showed him that he was wanted as much as he wanted Sirius back.  

 

“Then hurry up and kiss me,” Remus said, trying out a bit of his newfound confidence.  

 

Sirius obliged.  Willingly.  Fingers firmly grasped Remus’ hair as Sirius dipped his head forward, warm lips pressed to his own.  Returning his affections, Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius’ waist, holding him close as he opened his mouth further, feeling Sirius slip his tongue in tentatively then more deeply.  Remus pulled Sirius to him, one hand scrambling for the nape of his neck as he arched up into the other man’s hot mouth, lips slanted hungrily, tasting, pressing, gasping for more.  He felt Sirius let out a small shudder and couldn’t help but smile knowing he was the cause.  With one hand still on Sirius’ waist he unconsciously pressed close, arching his hips up, seaking friction, seeking release.  

 

Sirius stilled and Remus bit back a curse.  Damn, he’d gone too far.  Knowing Sirius only had experience with women --how the other man had confessed that he wasn’t even attracted to other men, just Remus-- they had decided to take it slow.  But between school and inconsiderate roommates they had never really found time for much more than kissing.  Maybe Remus was rushing things.  He pulled back.  

 

“Sorry, I wasn’t thinking, we can take it slo…” Remus began before Sirius cut him off.

 

“Wanna go upstairs?”

 

“Oh,” Remus was dumbfounded.  He didn’t want to act overly eager but… “Yes, hell yes.”

 

Sirius grinned and swung his legs off the couch.  Then, reaching out a hand, Sirius pulled Remus from the couch and led him up to the other man’s room.  It was both the shortest and the longest journey of Remus’ life.  His heart hammered in his chest and he knew his palm was probably sweaty but Sirius didn’t seem to care.  

 

How far would Sirius want to take things?  Would he be put off when he saw him naked?  When he realized there really were no breasts beneath this shirt for him to fondle, but instead that there was a very eager cock confined much too tightly in his jeans begging to be touched?  Remus almost stopped and pulled away, seeking to end any humiliation before it could begin but then Sirius turned back to him with so much love and desire filling his deep grey eyes and Remus was lost.  He’d do anything for Sirius.  So he’d let the other man dictate their pace.

 

Still, when Sirius sat on the edge of the bed, Remus could do nothing but stand in the doorway, frozen.  

 

“Are you gunna join me Moony?” Sirius laughed hesitantly and it suddenly hit Remus that Sirius was as nervous as he was.  It was shockingly humanizing, bring this man he’d idolized for so long to his level of experience.  Weirdly sobering.

 

Remus licked his lips.  Taking a step forward, then another he stopped when he bumped knees with Sirius on the bed.  With less grace than he’d hoped, Remus straddled Sirius’ thighs, lowering his body till he was seated on the other man’s crotch.  This is where they’d left things on the couch, albeit positions switched, so here he’d wait for Sirius to make the next move.

 

Damn this was torture.  Waiting for Sirius to initiate or push him away, feeling how hard Sirius was for him, his cock pressed firmly to his own beneath frustrating layers of denim, skin he ached to touch, to taste, to rub up against.  

 

Sirius still hadn’t moved and Remus could not seem to read his expression.  He needed a hint.  “Sirius, if this is too soon…”

 

“I want you,” Sirius breathed against his mouth.  “Sorry, it was just too much and I was trying to hold back.”

 

“Oh,” Remus dumbfounded.  

 

“Kiss me?” Sirius pleaded and Remus took less than a second to oblige.  A moment later there was a hand on his ass, kneading, pressing him close and Remus almost blacked out with pleasure.  He could feel the rock of Sirius’ hips as he bucked up into his touch, the hard line of his cock urging against his own as trepidation evaporated and pure carnal lust took over.  

 

“Take off your shirt,” Sirius urged, pulling slightly at the fabric until Remus took over, quickly shucking off his vest and undoing his shirt buttons.  

 

“You too,” Remus replied, helping the other man lift his sweater over his head.  And then there was nothing but smooth planes of pale skin, toned from afternoons of Quidditch practice, begging to be touched.  Remus ran a hand tentatively over the other man’s flat stomach and up his chest, mapping the firm curves with his hands and mind.  “You’re so...perfect,” Remus whispered.

 

Sirius smiled.  “You know I think you’re perfect too,” Remus started to protest but Sirius cut him off with a look.  “Perfect doesn’t mean you have no scars.  Believe me, I have plenty.  They just don’t show.  But how you overcome everything, find joy despite what you have gone through, what you go through each month...you’re beautiful Remus.  And perfect to me.”  

 

As Sirius finished his words Remus dove in with a bruising kiss.  He kissed the other man like a lifeline, like a drowning man searching for air.  Sirius thought he was perfect.  It was so alien a thought and yet Remus believed every word he said.

 

“I want you,” Remus whispered against his lips, grinding against Sirius in a way that could not be misinterpreted.  

 

“Fuck Remus, I want you too.  I have no idea what I’m doing though,” he laughed breathily.  “Maybe, take off your pants?”

 

Remus hesitated.  There was no going back.  Here, now at least Sirius could just pretend he was a flat-chested girl, but completely naked…

 

“Are you sure?  You know I have a…” Remus blushed and gestured to the bulge in his pants.  

 

Sirius chuckled.  “Yeah, I kinda figured there was a cock in there.  Don’t worry so much,” he said, taking Remus cheek in his hand.

 

Taking a deep breath, Remus dismounted and turned away.  He steadied himself, both mentally and physically, one hand stretched out grip the bedpost.  Sirius wanted to see him naked.  He could do this.  A tentative hand on his waist reassured him as Remus set to undoing his buttons, lower his zip, and tug off his jeans and then pants.  Then he simply stood there wondering what to do next.

 

“Turn around,” Sirius commanded softly, his hand pulling slightly at Remus’ hip.  

 

Remus held his breath and turned.  Slowly.  Arms crossed over his chest, Remus’s eyes went to the floor, not sure he wanted to see Sirius’ reaction.  

 

“Damn,” Sirius whistled appreciatively, “You’re...wow.”

 

Remus blushed.  “I think it’s a werewolf thing,” he replied, unable to look the other man in the eye.  

 

“Mmmm hmm,” Sirius murmured appreciatively, pulling Remus closer to kiss his neck, one hand reaching back to rub and grip his ass.  

 

Moved by Sirius’ insistent hands, Remus climbed back on the bed, knees to either side of Sirius, body hovering over the other man in slight unease.  He looked down, watching Sirius mouth at his collarbone, long dark hair just asking to be pulled.  Then there was his own body, pale and scarred, skinnier and softer than Sirius own, his cock standing red and taught in sharp contrast against his pale stomach.  Right, he was the only one naked.  Time to fix that.

 

“Can I?” Remus asked, one hand lightly touching the zip on Sirius’ jeans.  It was a bold move, but he hated feeling so undressed and alone.  He felt Sirius nod against his neck as he kissed him wetly, so Remus flicked open the button and pulled down Sirius’ zip, spreading the fabric.  Then he hesitated.  He had wanted to touch Sirius for so long, it was almost like a dream come to life.  He both wanted to savor the moment and embrace it.  

 

“Remus, touch me please,” Sirius begged below him, so Remus bit his lip and obliged.  Reaching past the other man’s pants, he tentatively ran his fingers over hard flesh as he sucked in a breath, feeling his own cock jump in anticipation.  He pressed his palm to Sirius’s cock, eliciting a groan from the other man that secretly delighted him.  Then, with sure fingers, Remus grasped Sirius’ length, taking the hard flesh in his grip and pulling it free as Sirius bucked up into his grasp.  He watched as Sirius threw his head back, eyes shut tight in ecstasy as Remus dragged his hand up and down the engorged shaft, gripping the base hard then sliding a thumb over the tip, picking up the cum that pooled from the slit to smear back down the length on his next pass.  

 

Remus couldn’t believe how arousing it was simply touching the other man.  It was everything he had always hoped for, feeling the hard flesh between his fingers, stroking Sirius to a fit of passion, hoping and wishing that he could make Sirius feel better than anyone else ever had.  His own cock bobbed against his belly, precum smeared in a sticky strand from his slit to his lower abdomen, simply begging to be touched in return, to feel the satisfaction Remus was giving his lover.  

 

Feeling his knees about to give out, Remus lowered his body, his thighs clamped tight around Sirius’ own as he picked up the pace.  He watched as Sirius rounded his neck, pulling his eyes back to his own then down to watch Remus’ busy hand as it pulled his cock in a frenzy of lust.  

 

“Damn that’s hot,” Sirius breathed, arching his hips higher, seeking more friction, his eyes glazed as his gaze darted from his own cock to Remus’.  “Could we...I mean...together?”

 

Remus could hardly believe the words.  Nodding he released his grip before scooting up on Sirius’ body, rocking gently, his balls pressed to the thick base of Sirius’ cock before he grasped then both in one tight fist.  Both men moaned together.

 

The friction was almost unbearable.  With each thrust Remus felt the plump head of Sirius’ cock press against his own shaft, leaving trails of cum in its wake as the other man moaned unabashedly.  Remus gripped them hard, pumping his fist on Sirius’ erection, leaving only his fingertips to trail along his own, knowing anything stronger would have him coming all too quickly.  And all the while he watched as Sirius’ hungry gaze devoured what he did, never wavering from their cocks pressing together, their thickened lengths leaking as they rutted together, seeking sweet release.

 

He had never thought he could have this.  Each night Remus had spent alone in his bed, imagining Sirius, picturing his firm body sliding against him, his hot mouth devouring him, it had all ended in heartache.  For those short minutes where he touched himself, pulling at his own aching cock, making himself feel less alone and pretending Sirius was there with him, wanting him, worshiping him, the satisfaction was only short lived.  The moment he moaned out Sirius’s name, felt himself come, sticky and panting into his own lonely grip, reality returned and with it the shame and inadequacy he always felt.  But not now.  Not anymore.

 

“Remus I...you’re gunna make me come,” Sirius moaned, bringing his eyes to Remus’ own.  Then in a bold move he took one hand from where it gripped Remus’ ass and slid it over their heavy cocks, their fingers twinned together, moving in tandem over hard slickened lengths.

 

“Yes,” Sirius groaned, his hips bucking erratically as he craned his neck, taking Remus in a sloppy kiss before he all but sobbed into his mouth, uttering a cry of fulfillment  just as his cock pulsed in Remus’ hand, coating him in stick spurts of cum as he pressed his body hard against the other man.  Remus held tight, taking and giving desire, relishing in the feel of Sirius’ slick release coating his thick cock, his free hand gripping Remus’ ass, his cock still hard and pressed lewdly against his own.  

 

He felt euphoric.  He had done this to Sirius.  Made him come undone in his hands.  And now he could let himself go.  With a last grind of his hips, Remus thrust their cocks together, the friction overwhelmingly perfect as he pressed Sirius backwards into the bed, rutting against him one last time before he too felt his length stiffen, his balls tighten and he threw back his head in a silent scream and grabbed his cock, painting the other man’s abdomen with his cum.  

 

“Fuck,” Remus heard Sirius say faintly, his mind a haze of melting euphoria.  He collapsed forward onto Sirius’ chest, his body heaving in exertion, his limbs felt like a jelly jinx had been performed upon him.  After a moment he felt long fingers thread through his hair, soothing him and coaxing him slowly back to life.

 

Looking down, Remus blushed at the sticky mess he had made of them both.  “Damn, Sirius, I’m so sorry,” he started.  But the other man had already grabbed his wand from the bed, chanting a quick cleansing charm on them and then pulled Remus back into his arms.  

 

“Stop being sorry.  I knew what I was getting into.  Well kind of.  I may have watched some gay muggle porn…” he trailed off, running a hand through his hair.  

 

“What?” Remus said, sitting up slightly.  “When did you...where did you…?”

 

Sirius simply laughed.  “A magician never reveals his secrets.”

 

“You’re a wizard.  I’m a wizard.  We go to a magical school together, you can’t hide things from me,” Remus scolded before breaking out in a smile.

 

“Mmm, and I don’t want to.  And neither should you,” Sirius said, carefully tracing a scar to its edge at Remus’ chin before pulling him into a kiss.  

 

“Never again,” Remus swore.    


End file.
